


Snake in the Grass

by TimeTravelingPirate



Category: Star Trek AOS
Genre: Betryal, Child Death, M/M, Masochism, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence, relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-03-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 00:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 42,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5764756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TimeTravelingPirate/pseuds/TimeTravelingPirate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things are changing in Starfleet. It has not gone unnoticed by Kirk and his crew. The increase of missions, the amount of danger. Something doesn't feel right but there are more then one life form at play here. Is Kirk going to be able to sweet talk his way out of this one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Replacements

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” I fumed, posture rigid as I stared at the terminal, hues glaring at Number One. I wasn’t sure why I was angry with her, it’s not like she could have controlled the situation. But there was the slight sting of betrayal. She said she would have our backs. How could she do that now?

“I wish I was, Jim. But I’m not. You’ve been reassigned a new CO here at HQ. I did everything I could to remain with you and the Enterprise.”

There was a brief pause.

“Who is replacing you?” I managed to calm myself to some extent to ask her this question.

“Admiral Sooka.”

“Do I know him?”

“I’m not sure that you’ve met before but…”

Number One paused as she looked thoughtfully at the screen. It was only for a split second before her face became quite serious. Her voice was low and her words rushed.

“Be careful, Jim. Be on you best behavior around Sooka. I don’t know what kind of man he is but I have a bad feeling.”

And suddenly, she returned to her slightly less cryptic self and I nodded.

“Fine. Kirk out.”

I fell back onto my desk chair, not realizing that I had stood in the process of my communication with Number One. This was just fucking great. She’d only been assigned to us for two years and already she was being replaced. Was it because of this so called Kirk-Force that happened to be surrounding me? Did someone in the Federation have it out for me? I didn’t have a fucking clue. Anger must have been radiating off my still tense form when I cocked my head to the side.

“You are upset, Captain.”

“No shit.” I replied, forgetting that Spock had been meditating in my room. A sigh of frustration left my lips. I was turning to apologize when the Vulcan came up and started kissing the back of my neck. I relaxed suddenly, lids closing as I slumped in my chair.

“I’m sorry, Spock. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.”

“It is only logical you are angry. Number One has been a constant friend and partner during our mission. With her sudden replacement and no warning it begs the question of why.” His voice was soft as he continued to dance kisses on the heated skin of my neck. Damn he really knew how to calm me down when I was like this. I couldn’t help the small twitch at the corner of my mouth as lips attempted to turn upwards into a smile.

“We’re going to be late.” I groaned.

“We still have 15.252 minutes before we report to the bridge. That is plenty of time.”

I couldn’t argue with that.

xXx

“Captain.”

“Lieutenant Uhura. Updates?”

“Yes Captain. Just before Number One’s transmission, we received orders to pick up a few new crew members at Station 5.”

My brow furrowed but I didn’t question those orders.

“Very well. Mr. Chekov, please plot a course to Station 5. Mr. Sulu, take us out.”

I sat back in my chair and took the datapad one of the crew members handed me as I glanced over the updates that were recorded during the last shift. Things seemed to be quiet aboard the Enterprise. I can’t pretend that I am not happy about this. Four years we’ve been in space and we hit the ground running. It wasn’t soon after Nero and the Narada that all the bad and weird things seemed to come out of the woodwork. It was beyond me why all the bad shit happened to me and my crew. Nevertheless, we were all prepared for the unthinkable. It only took a few failed missions to get the hint that this was going to be a long five years. 

“Mr. Spock, what else do we have on our agenda?”

“As soon as we pick up the new crew members we are to report to Admiral Sooka.”

“Go it.” I rose from my chair and inclined my head, signaling Spock to join me. 

“You have the conn, Uhura.” I ordered before stepping into the turbolife.

xXx

I had sort of a hands on approach when it came to dealing with the crew and departments of the Enterprise. I preferred to be informed as directly as I could and then later have reports as follow ups. The age old saying of ‘I wouldn’t put my crew through anything I would not do that myself’ was my motto. I didn’t want to be known as the guy who sits in the chair. I wanted to be known for being personable and interacting with everyone as well as knowing each person by name. It’s what I strived for. Not so I could receive recognition but just to familiarize myself. Not to mention I felt it had a bigger impact on the crew to perform better. It appears I had been right since our proficiently levels were at 95%.

Engineering was my first stop. Sometimes I switched it up and did my circle backwards or made it into a triangle or whatever shape I could come up with. The first time I changed pattern Spock nearly flipped out on me saying it was highly illogical. I couldn't help but laugh. It would have been increasingly boring to do the same thing over and over and over again.

“What do you have for me today, Scotty?” I beamed, following the Scotsman as he darted here and there, wires, and tools and a whole slue of other stuff that seemed to be attached to his body.

“Things are right as rain, Captain. The Warp Core is purring like a well greased kitten and all the ships parts are running smoothing. I’d say this is the finest she has run she we launched her what, 3, 4 years ago?”

“Glad to hear it. We’re on our way to pick up some replacements. I think one or two might be in your department. Try not to freak them out too much, okay?” I clapped him on the back as he looked at me incredulously. I only smiled and pressed on to security.

As requested, Giotto had been running simulations with his teams, preparing them for any and all types of situations we could face planetside. Though I am sure that we’ve pretty much covered everything from A to Z just by living it. Still, increased response times are always good. The faster the crew can get there and respond the better chance we have at saving not only our lives but those we come into contact with.

“More replacements sir?” Giotto asked me.

I shrugged my shoulders and nodded. “Yup. You, engineering, sickbay, everyone is getting a few replacements. Why? I don’t know. We’ll just have to train them adequately.”

“You got it, sir.” He replied before attending to his duties. I smiled and left with Spock.

“Do you think Bones is going to force us into physicals?” I asked, bemused.

“I have no doubt.”

xXx

“Ouch. What the hell, Bones?” I cried rubbing my neck.

“If you're not going to attend your physicals, I have to make sure you're in perfect health.” He gave a thin lipped smile as she threatened to jab a hypo onto Spock’s neck. He held up his hands in surrender.

“You hypos are not required, Doctor. I will be attending my physical later today.”

I glared at Spock and mouthed the word ‘traitor’ at him. He simply looked at me with innocence like he didn’t know what I was talking about. I shook my head with a bemused smile.

“Not that I don’t appreciate more help, but why are we getting more replacements? Didn’t we just get some like, six months ago?”

“You know how high the turnover can be. People are thrilled to serve on the Enterprise but they’re not prepared for the stuff we deal with.” I shrugged and looked to Spock.

“I agree with your statement.”

“Whatever. They just better not be bumbling idiots like you two.” 

I gave a hurt expression before I bursted into laughter. Spock simply raised his eyebrow like always. I shook my head.

“Sue, sure, Bones.” I said as I left sickbay and continued my rounds on the ship.

xXx

The transporter room was quickly growing crowded. The new replacements would be beamed up in just a few moments. I stood in perfect military posture as I waited for them to arrive. I hated standing in a military stance but Spock said it was necessary. I rolled my eyes and huffed, but stood at attention none the less.

“Replacements ready to beam, Captain.” The woman at the transporter console informed me as I nodded my head in response.

The bright lights of the transporter flared for just a moment before the first wave of crew members arrived. They totaled in five. I gave them a pleasant smile, welcoming them onto the Enterprise and led them to the security team that would be assisting them to their quarters as well as giving a tour of the ships so that they could become acquainted. Then the second wave arrived. Five more crew members. I repeated the whole welcoming thing before they were ushered out the door. Relief flooded through me once they were all gone. I hated standing on ceremony. 

“Let’s go eat, I’m hungry.” I blurted as he left for the mess.


	2. Routine Mission

The senior officers all sat around the conference table as I stood at the front, breaking down the next few missions we had been tasked with. Admiral Sooka had given me milk runs. Why? I wasn’t sure. Maybe he wanted to test me and my crew out on his own or maybe he really wanted nothing to do with me. I wasn’t sure. But kept myself wary regardless of what others were expecting of me. My crew and I would perform our tasks at 100% efficiency like we always do no matter what we were given. For instance our first mission was to aid a planet with necessary medical needs after a natural disaster. An earthquake had damaged a good portion of the continent. The inhabitants had lost a majority of their economy and livelihood in that disaster. For now, we were ordered to assist in all medical needs. I could tell Bones was trying to prepare himself for a very long day. I ended the briefing with my standard closing asking if there were questions. There were none. People seemed to understand their duties. I was getting better at this whole public speaking and briefing thing. I felt a small smile form on my lips as I left the conference room with my datapad in hand.

“May I make an observation, Captain?” I looked to my left and noted Spock. My constant ally. I smiled. 

“Yes. What is it?” I asked, bemused by what he was going to say. I didn’t have a clue but regardless I knew I would find it amusing.

“It appears you are dissatisfied with what missions Admiral Sooka has given us. It is a drastic change from what we’ve been doing for the past few years. It appears that the Admiral may have something against us.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised.” I replied, shaking my head. “I get the feeling not a lot of people like me despite the results we on the Enterprise obtain. We are one of the best, Spock, but with me as the Captain, it raises some issues.” I shrugged my shoulders. I was used to always being placed under a microscope. Of being analyzed and asked what makes James T. Kirk tick. Hell if I knew but I was used to it. It’s what lead to my ‘I could care less’ attitude. I knew what I was doing, most of the time, my team and I were good and we got the job done. What more could be asked of us?

There was a beat of silence before I continued.

“And our relationship seems to warrant more of an inspection.”

This caused Spock to look at me in mild alarm. I caught that look in his eyes.

“I’m not worried, Spock. Don’t even think about. Comes with the territory. You know was well as I that many people disprove. Well, except the people who are on our side. Like I said before, don’t care. We get our jobs done and that is all that should matter.”

I gave him a wide smile and clapped him on the back. 

“I’ll see you in the transporter room.”

xXx

Gritto, a small security team including one of our replacements, Bones and his staff, Spock and I all piled into the transporter room waiting to be beamed to the planet. The species were humanoid in appearance and seemed to have physiological similarities with humans. This seemed like it could be an easy mission. Though I knew better and always had a sort of contingency plan in place. We may have only been on this mission for a couple of years but being captain aboard the Enterprise has taught me a lot of things. If Nero and Khan were anything, attempting a five year mission sure as hell was going to be filled all sorts of shit.

Smoke was still rising into the darken sky from collapsed structure and transportation. They seemed to be in the early 1900’s earth time but of course with their own little quirks and inventions. I wasn’t sure how advanced they were in medicine but we would do everything we could to aid them in healing the wounded.

Bones went straight to the main medical facility without a second glance, taking his team with him. The ruler or president of the town, I wasn’t sure which, greeted us with a solemn expression. His name was Saulmac. 

“Captain Kirk. Mr. Spock. We are grateful for your assistance. Nittill has not seen such devastation in such a long time. This disaster is a first of it’s kind.”

I looked at him. First earthquake? Spock must have picked up on my thought.

“Mr. Saulmac, you have never experienced such a natural disaster as this before?” 

“Never. We get a few bad storms but as far as natural disaster go, this is a first.”

The wheels in my head began to turn. No, this was not unheard of but it gave me cause to wonder if anything else could be at play here.

“Mr. Saulmac,” I began. “Do you have any reason someone would want to harm you and your people?”

The look he gave me was an incredulous one. I had to bite back a laugh. I was going to take that as a no.

“Certainly not. Why would you ask?” 

“It’s a force of habit.” I replied. It really was, though.

“Is there anything we can assist you with?” Spock asked.

“If you wouldn’t mind helping the rescue teams. We’ve been working day and night. There are still two sections we have yet to get to. As many people as you can spare would help a lot. Tara can show you where they are.” He motioned for a redhead woman who gave a wry smile.

“Thank you.” I replied, and then turned my attention to Spock. “Go ahead and have the science team run scans of the planet to see if anything smells funny. I’ll radio back to have more personal to help with the rescue mission.”

Spock nodded.

xXx

It felt good to work my hands and moving rubble aside. It was mostly broken steel beams and concrete but we made good headway. Luckily the present sector we were in didn’t appear to have any victims. I just prayed we didn’t find any bodies. I had come across death plenty of times. God knows Bones has had to bring me back to life more times then I can count but I knew if I were to stumble across a body it would eat me up inside. I hid my feelings well when it came to matters such as these but like always, it was never pleasant.

My team and I were successful in clearing the first sector without finding anything of importance. Everyone had been evacuated before the buildings had collapsed. 

Tara brought us lunch as we all sat around taking a break. It was then when Mr. Spock contacted me on my communicator.

“Spock to Kirk.”

“Kirk here. What’s up Spock?”

“Captain, we have finished running our scans of the planet and think it best if you see the results for yourself.”

“Give me five minutes and I’ll beam back aboard. Kirk out.”

I knew at that moment something foul was in the air.

xXx

Spock leaned over his station on the bridge. I took a brief moment to admire the site before I came to stand next to him that was politically too close. I didn’t care as I let blue orbs dance over the data that ran across the screen.

“What am I looking at, Spock?”

“It took a thorough analysis but we have come to the conclusion that this earthquake was in fact man made. Though the device that was used is very old. It was there far before the species of this planet came to inhabit it.”

I shifted my gaze to Spock’s face quickly reeling over the information. Why would someone do such a thing? Place an earthquake device?

“And it came to life on it’s own?”

“That is unclear. However, I believe that someone with the knowledge of this device had the ability to activate it.”

I pressed my lips together. Yes, something foul was a play here.

Reaching for my communicator I commed my head of security.

“Kirk to Griotto.”

“Griotto here, Captain.”

“Can you ask Saulmac if they have had any visitors in the past few months?”

“Aye captain. Give me a moment.”

I waited until I heard the com crackle back to life.

“Negative, sir. He does not recall any visitors.”

“Thank you. Kirk out.”

I returned my attention back to the screen chewing on my bottom lip. That still did not rule out the possibility that someone could have activated the device.

“Is there a way we can access the device?”

“There appear to be a series of tunnels that lead to where the device is being held. There is room for only one person.”

There was a momentary pause.

“Captain.” Spock began, reading the look in my eye. Honestly, I expected nothing less. “I would not advise you being the one to go in there.”

“Who else is going to do it, Spock? I’m not going to risk the lives of my crew going down into a dark tunnel to get a device that can create earthquakes.”

“But it is your duty as a captain to assign someone”

My eyes narrowed.

“I respect your recommendation but I am going to have to decline, Spock.”

“Very well, Captain.” He clipped.

I sighed, walking away. I did respect his opinion but I wasn’t going to risk the lives of one of the natives or that of my crew. Should anything happen I would rather it happen to me. No, I did not plan a suicide mission. I couldn't do that to Spock. We had already been through enough life and death scares. This was simply my duty and I would uphold it. 

“Uhura, please notify Griotto of our situation and that I will be beaming down shortly.” I ordered her.


	3. Save The Day Routine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who has read and commented on 'Touch'. I had a lot of fun writing it and hope I did it justice. You guys are all awesome. I appreciate everything.

“I would like to voice my opinion again that I am against this plan, Captain. We have no idea if whoever activated the device is still on the planet and could do it again.”

“I know, Spock.” I clasped my hand on his shoulder and drew in close. I looked up into his chocolate brown eyes and gazed intently, losing myself momentarily. I spoke in a soft voice.

“Please, trust me.” I said, holding our gaze till I noted the subtle shift in his eyes and the slight nod of his head.

“Very well, Captain.” 

I would have kissed him right there but I refrained, focusing my thoughts on the task at hand. The premise was simple but I knew something was bound go to wrong. I just hoped to God the damn thing did not activate.

xXx

It indeed was a tight fit as I began to crawl through the etched out tunnel that was parallel under the ground. It reminded me of an ant colony hallway or something. I wondered who carved it or if it was natural. I had to move on my hands and knees. Luckily I did not have to do the army crawl. That would take up a lot of energy.

The time it took me to actually get to the center of the tunnel was agonizingly slow but I managed to reach it. I eyed the thing like it was the devil. It was rectangular in shape and about the size of a small computer terminal. It would be a struggle to carry back. The device had a metallic texture and seemed to be turned off. I hope it would stay off. There appeared to be no buttons that I could accidentally press and would activate it. Good.

Groaning, I grasped the thing with both hands and pressed my back against the top of the tunnel. Luckily it was relatively smooth but I knew I was going to walk away with a few gashes but what harm was that. I sucked in a breath as I began the long trek back to the opening. 

I was just meters from the opening when what I had feared most came to fruition. The thing in my hands started to vibrate. “Shit.” I said as I quickened my pace, feeling the vibrations move up my arms and down my chest and across every part of my body. It wasn’t terrible at first until the thing started to pick up momentum. So I moved faster. I could see the opening. I just needed to reach it. But my pace began to slow as the vibrations became too much. I could feel them coursing through my body and into the surrounding rock. I staggered under the weight and the movement. “Shit. Shit. Shit.” I couldn’t risk using my communicator to warn the others. All I could do was get the hell out of there.

Freedom. Sweet freedom. I fell to the ground still grasping the thing, unable to release it from my grip. A flurry of activity burst around me as Spock and someone else came to pry the thing from my hands and turn it off.

“Captain.” The voice was calm but I caught the hint of fear. “Captain, you must release the device for us to examine it.”  
“I’m trying.” I replied with gritted teeth as I worked to pry my fingers free from the metallic device. Apparently it fused with whatever surface it was in contact with so that it would not rattle around in it’s surroundings and bounce away.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to brace myself as the vibrations rattled through me. I felt like my brain was dancing in my scull, an intense headache starting to form. Voice shouted around me as the ground began to tremble, the threat of another earthquake starting to rise. No. I would not let that happened. It caused me to keep the thing pressed to my chest all the more. But I knew that it would be pointless because it would kill me and these people would still die. I was not enough of a shield.

Cool and slender fingers gripped mine as they worked steadily and quickly to prey them off the earthquake device. I willed my limbs to work, to obey the outside source so that the thing could be turned off. I could feel my entire body shaking, treathinging to be torn apart as each wave of the machine grew more violent and then ….nothing.

Breath was ragged, ears were ringing, vision was blurry. I tried to focus on the blue shirt of what I presumed to be Spock. The world shifted and I felt myself floating. They must have freed the device from my body. I hope so. Otherwise that would be a sucky way to die. I couldn’t help the small smile that formed on my lips as the sky seemed to jumble by. Why did I still feel like I was vibrating? I couldn’t think of an answer as the colors swirled together and soon became a stark white. It hurt my eyes and I closed them, wanting to escape the harshness. I soon found myself surrounded by black.

xXx

Beeping. It was annoying but the sound was all too familiar. I didn’t want to open my eyes. Everything seemed to hurt and my head was killing me. Along with limbs hurting I felt numb at the same time. Alarm spiked through me as I tested out my motor skills. Okay, good. I wasn’t paralyzed. I relaxed slightly in my bed.

Excluding the beeping, everything seemed to be quiet. It must be late in the night. I still didn’t want to open my eyes but someone needed to know I was awake.

A slender hand slipped into mine and I jumped slightly in surprise. “Jim.” The voice was hushed. It was Spock. I felt a small smile form on my lips.

“Hi Spock.” I said warmly. 

“Jim, why don’t you open your eyes?”

“It’s too bright.”

There was a soft click and I felt a subtle difference. Slowly, I lifted my lids as my vision filled with the concerned look of Spock. I noted the lines that were etched into his skin. He had not meditated in sometime, no doubt because he was worried over me.

Slowly I brought my hand up. It felt like lead as I gently placed my fingers against his cheek. He tilted his head into my hand.

“I’m fine, now. Go rest.”

“Jim.”

“Spock. I’m awake and alive. Will you do this for me?” My voice was pleading but soft. This was a habit we knew all to tell. Whenever either of us were in sickbay the other would work themselves into a tizzy with worry. Sometimes it would affect our duties but we made sure those always came first.

He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead before capturing my lips in his.

“Rest well, Jim. I will see you soon.”


	4. Restless

Needless to say the other two missions that Sooka gave us went off with minor difficulty. The one after the earthquake one was a diplomatic mission. I detested those with a passion but Spock and a few others would agree that I had a knack for it. They mostly left me with headaches and a sour outlook on alien species. The way they would argue over stupid things and request unfair demands. It was a drag but I manage to get each party to at least converse with each other. Uhura was a big help as well as Spock. They did all of the heavy lifting for me and I would interject when need be.

The last mission was a pick up and drop off. I didn’t like being a taxi service but Admiral Sooka said this was a very important dignitary for the Federation and he was doing work that could revolutionize their system as they know it. I had snorted at that remark, finding it highly unlikely. But there was nothing I could do to refute the order. I did as I was requested. I didn’t need the Admiral to be breathing down my neck like I feared he might if I so much as screwed up. 

Our next mission was clear across the galaxy. Why we were hopping around, I wasn’t sure. No doubt again, Sooka wanted to get under my skin or maybe this was really how things were going to work. I did my best to hide my irritation but it seemed to seep through the walls I had built around me and affected the bridge. Finding it to be too much at the present time, I quickly excused myself giving Spock the Con. The irritation was causing me to become restless in cases such as these. It was something new that had developed since my time as captain aboard the Enterprise.

Working out, that was my solution to the built up tension that I let pester inside me. I changed in the locker rooms and quickly found myself in front of a punching bag. I wasted no time in letting out all of my anger and frustration out into the piece of material. I knew it was unwise to expel all of my energy but I was too pissed off to think logically about fighting at the current time. All I could focus on was channeling my emotions and driving them as hard as I could into the bag.

Time slipped by and I honestly thought Spock would have come to check on me by now. God knows I would have. But we were still maneuvering the early stages of our relationship. Hell, we haven’t even had sex yet. This time was different. Yeah I was a hornry son of a bitch but Spock was different and I wanted to do right by him. It had taken us the first year of my command to become decent friends. It was halfway through the second year that we both realized we had feelings for each other but were hesitant. Mostly due to my past as, for lack of a better term, man whore. I mostly held reservations since I wasn’t sure I could ever commit myself to such a relationship. But Spock was patient with me and I came to realize just how deeply I cared for the Vulcan. A feeling that far surpassed anything I had felt before. He had often questioned me, curious to know why we hadn’t had sex yet. It took me a while to work up the nerve to be truthful to him. I had no shame in truth telling it was just me exposing a slight insecurity I held about myself. But as always, he understood and said he would wait until I was ready. That had thrown me for a loop and made me love the guy all the more. He was something. I’ll give him that much. Completely different than the conclusions I had drawn during my days at the academy. Spock never ceased to amaze me. 

I was breathless by the time I had finished releasing all of my anger. I clung to the bag with gloved hands as I rested my forehead against the beat material. I allowed my mind to wonder for just a moment, trying to find a calm in the storm that was my mind. I was a tad dangerous when I was restless. Yes, I had hobbies I could go back to but there was something refreshing about getting physical with a punching bag. Most of my hobbies revolve around using my brain and not my body.  
Wore out and satisfied, I tore off my gloves and left them in my locker as I grabbed a towel and slung it around my neck after cleansing my face off. It was drenched in sweat. Something I like to signify that I had done well. I smiled softly as I exited the gym.

“Captain.” 

I was halfway back to my quarters when I heard my name. I glanced over my shoulder and stopped, a wide smile dancing on my lips as Spock came to stand by me. No doubt his shift was over now.

“Hey Spock. What’s up?”

“You are feeling relaxed?”

I studied the Vulcan, blue hues picking up the subtle details of his features. I caught the faint hint of a smile, the creases in his skin showed he was trying to fight back against some emotion. His brown eyes showed with something like lust. I cocked my head to the side, wondering if I was reading too much into it. 

“I am. Nothing like beating the shit out of a punching bag.” I laughed as I noted the slight change in his expression. His brow arched in mild confusion.

“I’m restless, Spock. Whenever I have to spend long amounts of time on the ship with nothing to keep me busy I get restless and moody.” I smiled.

“What about one of your hobbies or chess?”

“Those are all fine and good but there are some times when I need something more...physical.” I looked at him with a devious smile, my mind slipping to other physical activities. I think he caught on to it because there was a slight twitch in his lips.

We had reached my quarters when I paused. “I’ll see you for dinner? And then we can play chess?”

“Indeed, Captain.”

“See you later, Spock.”

“Goodbye, Captain.”

xXx

Our friends joined us for dinner. At first it was just Spock and I before Scotty, Bones, Uhura, Sulu, Chekov and a couple of the replacements joined us. One of the engineering replacements, his name was Tim. He was tall with jet black hair that he liked to push back. He had bushy brows and a devious smile. I made a mental note to keep an eye on him. Megan, she was with Bones on the medfloor. She had long brown hair that reached down to her waist. She had a certain light to her eyes. She seemed to be quite clever and a bit...reckless. I should know. I welcomed them as we all sat around and ate dinner together.

Megan had been at the Academy with me though she was a few years behind. She was a nurse and specialised in resetting limbs. She was stationed at a starbase when the opportunity to work aboard the Enterprise came her way. She knew that she couldn’t pass that up. With her impressive credentials and skills in the med bay, I could see why Sooka would have her come aboard our ship. Her family was from Earth but soon relocated with a colony planet; Slilith. She lived there for quite some time before returning to earth to complete her studies at the Academy. 

Tim on the other hand, he was a legacy. His entire family had been in Starfleet since it was formed. He prided himself in this fact. The only way he deviated away from his legacy path was he went into the field of engineering while his family had a long history of linguistics and combat. I knew he would be a good asset to the team as well. I was very pleased with the replacements we had obtained. I had high hopes for them and helping their career here with Starfleet. It also amazed me how quickly they had adapted to this lifestyle. Like they were meant to be aboard a ship. It honestly made my job and bit more easier. Sure, they were a little rough around the edges but that would all be polished smooth once they got used to the Enterprise.

It a very long time I was happy; content. I had reached a good point in my career and place among the stars. The only dangerous mission we’d had had been the earthquake machine. I had friends who I cared deeply for and they for me. I had one hunk of a boyfriend and things seemed to be looking really well for us. The new crew members were adapting well. I felt like I finally had a handle on everything. It was an adjustment to becoming Captain as a ship like this. The road was hard but with the amazing crew that had my back, I knew geater things were still to come for us. Life was good and I chose to relish in this fact, not wanting to think that at any moment things could turn south and everything would be ripped from my fingers.

xXx

Spock was increasingly still as he stared down at the chess board. I sat cross legged and brought my mug of coffee to my lips, eyes twinkling in amusement as I watched the Vulcan think. He had met his match when I had offered to play chess with him some years ago. It was one of our favorite pastimes. Yes it was relaxing and it also gave me insight as to the way Spock’s mind worked. Mind you I was still becoming acquainted with it. But Spock was very analitica. He always thought everything out before he even plotted a move. He would weigh the pros and cons of each delicious and plot a course of action based on all of the variables. I often wondered how quickly his mind processed information. No wonder it was hard for him to show emotions sometime. With so much data crunching going on, how does one shut that off and give in to something that is engrained into their system? God knows sometimes it was a struggle for me to process like Spock did. I only did so on rare occasions when I was navigating a particularly sticky situation. Most of the time I just went with my gut and it proved to be good.

His slender digits moved a piece across the board and this time I sat in silence, placing my coffee cup on the side table and leaned forward, pressing the tips of my fingers together as I thought. I already had my move in place but I deliberately took my time so Spock would assume I was actually struggling with my next move. I did this often. Though I wonder what he would think if I actually did quick moves. I wonder if it would throw him for a loop.

“What are you thinking, Jim?” His voice broke my thoughts. I looked up and smiled.

“How you would react if I changed my playing method a bit.”  
This earned me an arched brow as I laughed and moved my piece forward. “Check Mate.” I exclaimed in delight as Spock tore his attention from me and focused on the board.

“It appears you have won once again, Jim.” 

I beamed happily at him as I began to take down the set. 

“Maybe one day I will tell you my secret.”

This earned me a twitch of a smile this time. Someday I would get Spock to give me a full smile. But for now I would settle with the twitch of his lips.

Turning in for the night I snuggled up against Spock as we huddled under the covers. “What is our mission tomorrow?” I asked, sleep lacing my voice. 

“The inhabitants of Vega 453 are experience a drop in their population that happens about once a month for several days. It happens mostly late at night or early in the morning. There have been reports of strange ships in their system.”

“Okay.” I replied, already half asleep. Spock kissed my cheek and then I was gone.


	5. The Wraith

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I’m doing a bit of crossing over here. If any of you have seen Stargate Atlantis I am using the Wraith as the protagonists. I think it would be fun to see how the crew of the Enterprise would act to a situation such as that. I hope you enjoy! I’d also like to thank you for all the feedback on my most recent completed work Night Eternal.

Phaser fire was everywhere as a high pitched whining rippled across the air. Blue light beams came from the bottom of ships that reminded me of darts. They flew so fast and low it was nearly impossible to get a lock on them. I ordered the Enterprise to stand down, not wanting missiles from space to damage the planet below. Spock, myself, and a security team were currently pinned down in the woods aiming to destroy the ships. It was called _The Culling_ a harvest of humans for a species known as The Wraith. Spock nor I had heard of such creatures but apparently they were pretty nasty. But beyond that, that was the only knowledge of species we had.

“Can we beam back to the Enterprise?” I shouted over to Spock as I fired off a few more rounds from my phaser before placing another cartridge in.

“Negative, Captain. We are getting too much interference from the ships and their beams.”

“Damnit.” I cursed.

A couple of locals were struggling to find cover. I saw a Dart speeding right for them. “Aw hell.” I cried as I darted from my hiding place and bolted to the couple. I heard Spock yell behind me but I was too focused on the pair and saving them from being captured that I ignored him. 

Right as I reached them I managed to push the man out of the way before everything seemed to vanish. The last thing that entered my mind was _shit._

xXx

When I awoke I was paralyzed. I couldn’t move a single muscle or even twitch. Panic started to set in before I finally got a chance to look at my surroundings which was not much. I was trapped in a sort of cocoon. It was warm, stifling almost. It was sticky too, like something...organic. Things appeared to be attached to my body but I couldn't move to see what they were. My vision was blocked by a thick set of...spiderwebs? I wasn’t sure but the substance was coarse and made my face itch. The only thing I could move were my eyes. “Spock is going to kill me. And so is Bones.” I whispered to myself as I attempted to become free of my bonds. Nothing happen. I sighed.

xXx

I must have drifted to sleep or something. The next thing I knew a gruff hand was grabbing my arm. Eyes were bleary but I nearly fell back in alarm as I got a good look at the thing. His face was covered by a mask that left no room for eye holes or mouth or nose holes. It was thick and seemed to be made of a very strong element. His skin was green and slimy looking. It reminded me of a snake. His hair was long and white and matted looking. He wore armor made of the same stuff his mask was and mixed with leather. He was ghastly and didn’t say a thing. I don’t think he could. And so I was dragged away, legs stumbling along, still trying to get my weight under them.

The hallways were like labyrinths as we walked back and forth. I had no idea where he was taking me but obviously I was going to meet someone or die. Probably both were going to happen quite soon. But I took this time to observe the ship. It caused tremors to rock through the body. I had never seen anything like this before. My ship was made of metal parts and material things. This, this thing, this ship, it was made of something entirely different and I had an inkling of what it might be. Organic material. Spock would be able to tell better than I would. But I could feel my stomach become queasy at the thought. Oh God, I hope this ship wasn't made of humans. That would be utterly disgusting.

Rounding a corner, I found myself in a huge hall. The guard flung me to the ground where I slid across the slick floor. I grunted and righted myself until I was on my knees. I leaned back, not having the energy to stand up. Where was the woman I had tried to save? I didn’t see her in this empty room. It was huge, dark and only held a few lights. I was under one of them as the rest of the room was housed in shadows. I waited, wondering what was to come. What was going to happen to me and when was Spock going to recuse me? If there was one thing I could count on is that it would be Spock to the rescue. Like always.

I didn’t have to wait long before a woman creature thing walked from the shadows. Her face was flat like a shake. Her hair was a bright red, her skin the same green color. But her eyes, those were the most terrifying thing I saw as she soon stepped closer, smiling at me with hideous teeth. God, I didn’t want to be bitten by those things. But she was terrifying enough to have me shrink back a little in fear. But I worked myself to be strong. 

She didn’t say anything as she circled around me, studying me, eyeing me. I was unsettled by this fact but I did my best to hold firm. Then she finally came and bent down so her face was mere inches from mine.

“Hm. Human. It’s been awhile since we’ve come across one like you.”

She purred, dancing her fingertips which held very long nails against my skin like a mother would a child but something told me this wasn’t an endearing gesture. I shuddered under her touch. 

“Such strength and will and power.” She hissed, continuing to man handle my face and my shoulders. And then…

I froze. I couldn’t move. I saw the recognition in her eye. She held psychic abilities. She was attempting to find out more about me and my crew and us helping the planet. I worked overtime to shield my memories, my thoughts, Spock having given me some pointers on how to accomplish this. I couldn’t endanger my crew or the people of Earth. So I made my thoughts go blank. I thought nothing but of space and emptiness. I heard the woman Wraith hiss in displeasure before she backhanded me.

“There are more like you. We have not fed on humans as strong as you in so long. Tells us where the others are.” Her voice grew soft as she purred.

My jaw was set as I held my tongue. No way was I going to endanger my crew. But the hold she had over my mind was powerful and I began to tremble and shake. Sweat formed on my brow. My breath was labored. The struggle was difficult but this woman was getting irritated. She wanted me to cave but I wasn’t doing as she wished. 

Finally she released me and I gasped for air. She turned away and growled in my direction. I took this time to steel myself and brace for another attack. God, where was Spock? He needed to hurry. I literally felt like my life could end at any moment but I was useless to do anything. Goddamn my will to help others. 

Suddenly she turned on me, teeth bared, hand outstretched. It was then I noted a weird diamond shaped thing on her palm that was raised from the skin. She tore the front of my shirt, ripping it doward. The same hand reached for my neck as her fingers tightened. “You will tell me where the others are. My workers need to feed.” She hissed, voice low.

Releasing my neck she slammed her hand into my chest. Instant white hot pain coursed across my body as I yelp. The next thing I felt, well, I wasn’t exactly sure what I felt but it hurt like hell. My limbs grew weak, my body sagged but I made sure to keep my brain intact. I would not share my secrets.

She withdrew her hand and hissed again. “Tell me where the others are or I will take more years off your life.”

My eyes widened at her words. She was sucking the life from me. Shit. I was screwed. I looked around frantically, straining my ears in a hopes to hear fire from the Enterprise or the sound of the transporter but nothing came as she latched on again and sucked more of my life. I was able to feel it this time. How much had I aged? 10 years? 20 years? More? My body hurt and wanted to collapse but I refrained. Till my dying breath I would not give up my secrets.

Her hand hovered over my chest. Was she taunting me? Threatening me? Hoping that I would talk? When I said nothing she hissed and once again place her hand across my chest. I felt the warm trickle of blood slide down my bare skin. 

It was hard to focus. My body felt light and free. I needed to concentrate but it was difficult.

Suddenly, a loud sound hissed passed my ear the the creature let go and fell back. Blood pool from her chest but she rose and made her way back to me, digging her hand into my chest once more. Through clouded eyes I saw her wound heal. I found that interesting before the world tilted and I was looking upwards. The light was bright and caused me to wince. I couldn’t move. I was too weak and my limbs would not respond. Shouts echoed around me but there were muffled like I was under water. A hand pressed against my chest once more and I tried to fight it off but it was someone applying pressure to my wound. I blinked and Spock’s face was above mine. I frowned, wondering why he gave me such an odd expression. It was a mix of terror and helplessness. Spock was never helpless. I attempted to call his name and say that I would be alright but no words came. Before I could do anything else the world tilted once more and I blacked out.

xXx

I heard the voices first. They were low as they whispered. I knew who they were immediately.

“Is there nothing you can do, Doctor?”

“Damnit Spock, I’ve never seen anything like this. I can’t pull a miracle out of my ass. God, just look at him. He looks like he is 70 years old.”  
This statement caused my heart rate to pick up and Bones was by my side in a second. He knew that I was awake.

“Jim.” He said softly. “Jim, open your eyes.”

I did so, slowly. The world seem duller and hazy. I felt myself frown. “Bones.” My voice rapt out. But it didn’t sound like my voice. Another bout of alarm shot through me. I felt a cool hand against my own and saw tinted green skin. I drew back quickly before I realized it was Spock and not another one of those Wraiths. I looked up at him and his face held one of pity and anxiety. God I hated when people looked at me like that.

“Spock.” I said in the same voice.

“Captain.” He replied, voice soft. It tore at my heart. A wave of anger rippled across my skin.

“There sure as hell better be a way to fix this, Bones.” I did not meant for the words to come out as harsh as they did but I immediately felt my face soften as I looked at his expression.

“I’m doing everything I can, Jim. We’ll figure this out.”

xXx

Only the bridge crew came to see me. And even then it was a short visit. Spock spent most of the time with me when he was not needed on the bridge. With each passing minute I felt myself grow sour and more sour. He, along with Bones were conversing with the natives in an attempt to reverse the process. But so far they had no luck.

I felt my eyelids close and I fell asleep. I was unsure how long I slept until I heard his voice. A smile formed on my lips before I opened my eyes. But it soon turned into a frown as I noted the hesitant look in his eye. My heart filled with dread that they had been unable to find a solution to the problem. 

Spock cleared his throat and spoke. “We may have found a solution to your age but you may not like it.”

Shit. What was he saying.

“The natives told us more about these creatures and their abilities. If so desired, the Wraith can indeed give life back to those they take.”

My heart skipped a beat. Well that was good but that also meant being near one of those things again. And who knows if he would actually give me my life back.

“Let me guess, you’ve found one.”

“Yes.”

“Fine.”

He blinked. “Captain?”

“I said fine, do it. But if he or she so much as takes more years off my life shot ‘em. God knows I’ll already be dead.”

“Very well.”

A few seconds late one of the Wraith came in. He wore a black leather coat and had long white hair. I could see his face unlike the one who had taken me from my prison cell. His hands were cuffed and there were several armed guards on him. He looked just as pleased as I was.

We both stared at each other wondering if the other would retaliate. Though the Wraith had more of concern with those holding the phasers at him that a threat from me. So I reached up and stripped off my shirt so that my chest was bare. A scar in the middle signified where I had been fed on before. I caught the slight hiss from Spock but kept my eyes trained on the Wraith. He shuffled forward before his hand suddenly sprung forward, cuff or not and plunged to my chest. Wildly my heart beat and I arched back in the bed. The monitors were going crazy and everything was a blur. I knew the place had erupted into a panic as the Wraith continue to latch on to me. My God, he was actually doing good. He was restoring my life. And then suddenly-

Gasping for air I looked around. The scar of my chest was gone and I felt good. I looked from Bones to Spock and to the Wraith. My eyes stayed on him before I gave a curt nod. He was quickly escorted out and Bones was in my face running the tricoder over me.

“I’m fine. Bones.” I smiled faintly as he grumbled something at me. Satisfied I was well he started to turn away.

“I want you to stay here for observation for a few hours and then you are free to go.”

I groaned loudly and he just huffed at me. Spock quietly came over.

“Jim.” His fingers danced across my hands, trailing their way up my arm and then back down. 

“I’m fine, Spock. Thank you.” I took his hand and brought it up to my face as nuzzled it. “I would be dead without you.”

“You should not have attempted to save that man and woman knowing that you would be captured.”

“Come on, Spock. You know I wouldn’t have been able to do that.” I gave him a sad little smile. “But I am safe now.”

He nodded as I kissed his hand, brushing my lips against the warm flesh. He paused and then held up his pointer and middle finger. My heart swelled as I mimic him and our fingers brushed. Though he had not had sex we had done a lot of kissing. Human and Vulcan alike. Maybe it would be ample to take the next step soon.


	6. Non-Stop Flight

It was one thing after another. Right after the mission on Vega 453, Admiral Sooka gave us another list of mission to complete where he had us jumping all across the galaxy. It was like the guy had no concept of plotting a direct path. We’d spend a few days in one quadrant helping inhabitants, fighting bad guys, fixing repairs on our ship and then the next day we’d be clear across the galaxy meeting a deadline of attending a diplomatic meeting or introducing new planets into the federation. My crew and I hardly had any time to catch our breath. Everyone was running double or triple shifts and there was nothing I could do to help them. Admiral Sooka also claimed to be increasingly busy, so much so, that he could not meet for a conference with me so I could get some much needed down time for my crew. If we kept up this pace, we were all going to be run into the ground. Already I had several complaints from my crew saying how they’re functioning on 3 to 4 hours of sleep. I chuckled to myself about that. If they only know the amount of sleep I got. Or rather, didn’t get. So I did my best to rearrange the schedules so that people could sleep more.

Coffee was my new best friend. I always had a cup with me. I mean, more so than normal. Sure I’d have one or two cups in the morning and maybe one in the afternoon but this time, I always had a full cup. It was probably doing something nasty to my insides but right now, I couldn't worry about that because if we weren’t running for our lives, we were saving someone else's or engaging in long ass meetings. I was spent but still had to pull reserve energy out of my ass.

Spock and I hardly had time to ourselves. While he would meditate I’d try to find a few hours of rest. Or if I had crashed on the bed he was in the lab with his team running tests on new soil samples or something. The cycle repeated over and over again like it was no stop. And then there was Bones.

“Jim!” He exclaimed, voice elevated. “You’ve got to do something about this. I’ve had so many crew members come in suffering from lack of sleep and fatigue I can’t keep up.”

“Bones. I know.” I replied a bit harshly than I had intended. I pinched the bridge of my nose as if hoping that would alleviate some of the pain in my head as I closed my eyes and let out a breath. 

“I am doing everything I can, Bones. Admiral Sooka is refusing to take any of my messages. I’ve already contacted One and she’s doing the best she can but apparently she isn’t having any luck either.”

“That damn fool is going to kill us all.”

“Don’t I know it.”

I was about to leave when Bones caught my attention again. “How are you feeling Jim?”

His eyes studied me, waiting for the bullshit answer I would give. I gave a sigh to calm myself. “I’m okay. I’m exhausted, everyone is. But hell, what am I supposed to do Bones?”

McCoy gave me a sympathetic look knowing there really wasn’t anything he could do for me. 

“You look like hell though. At lot more than normal.” 

I tilted my head back and sighed. “Yeah, well I feel like it too. I’ll catch you later.”

xXx

The sight of my bed was so comforting. I didn’t know where Spock was but I fell face first into the sheets and sighed in contentment. I was on the verge of sleep when my comm beaped. I let out a cry of frustrating and rolled over onto my back and flipped it open. “Kirk here.”

“Sir, there’s been an accident in engineering. Tim’s been hurt.”

I sat upright, alarm spiking through my veins as I bounded out of bed. 

“Is he still there or in medbay?”

“Medbay, sir.”

“I’ll be right there, Kirk out.”

xXx

I sucked in a deep breath when I saw Tim laying very still on the biobed. I hardly recognized him. The man seemed to have suffered from some serious burns. I looked over at Bones who was barking orders and working quickly. Scotty came up to my side. I did a double take as I watched him clutch his arm.

“Scotty, why aren’t you getting treated?” I asked, seeing the burnt flesh on his arm through the singed red of his shirt. It looked like the fabric had melted into his skin.

“Tim needs more attention than I, Captain.” His voice was soft.

“What happened?”

“With all of this running around we’re doing, it’s taxing our warp core, sir. If we keep this up we’re going to burn right through the ship.”

Anger washed over me. Not only were my crew suffering but so was my ship. I would be damned if I let Sooka push us around any more.

“How long before we hit critical?”

“A few days at best. After this mission sir, we really need to take a break.”

I nodded my head. “Thanks, Scotty.” I clapped him on his good shoulder and went back to my quarters. Sooka was in for a rude awakening when I got ahold of him.

xXx

Before I could open my mouth in a fit of rage, Sooka beat me to the punch line.

“I’m sorry Jim that I’ve had you and your crew running around so much. As soon as you complete this last mission you guys have earned a two week shore leave, wherever you guys want to go.”  
My mouth shut tight and I stared at him, working out what to say next.

“I know it was unfair of me but you guys are the best ship we have out there and I would not have entrusted these missions to anyone else.”

I stared at Sooka blankly. There seemed to been sincerity in his voice but something in my gut told me it was all a lie.

“Thank you, Admiral.” I clipped back. “I will inform the crew.”

“You’ve done good work, Jim. I’m proud of you. Sooka out.”

The screen blinked to black and I groaned, going over to my bed and falling face first again. Maybe this time I could catch a few hours of sleep.


	7. I Can’t Live Without You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally. Kirk and Spock do it. xD Enjoy.

Shore leave was in site. I couldn’t believe it. As soon as Spock and I left the confines of the lab on ArD722 we’d be getting a two week vacation that we so desperately needed. The crew had chosen a mountain setting that had a bit of everything. On one side, it had snowy caps with cabins. The other side was warm and had a giant swimming lake with cabins along the shore. I thought it would be a nice break, for sure; Spending time along a lake with mountains in the background. God knows I was looking forward to it. To have two weeks of uninterrupted time with Spock after the several weeks we spent running across the galaxy….It put a spring in my step for sure.

Then everything went to hell. Like always. 

I was first to step through the decontamination process. Spock was just about to follow me when everything shutdown and alarms sounded. I turned on my heel but was too late before both doors closed in front of my face. Spock was trapped as a suspicious gaseous fog was starting to fill his compartment.

“Spock!” I cried, beating my hands against the window as I watched him slump down the wall. Panic began to set in as I tried to jiggle the handle and go in and get him. I don’t know what the substance was but whatever it was, wasn’t good.

I noted a security and science team along the outer hallway. They wore gas masks as they attempted to fix whatever was happening. I assumed that one of the samples that was stored in the lab had broken or something and was now starting to contaminate the air. This caused me to beat against the window all the more. My stomach churned as I repeatedly called Spock’s name, trying to get his attention. His eyes were half opened as I saw his lips part in an attempt to form my name.

Suddenly the door from the hallway burst open and I was shoved to the side. Someone slipped a gasmask on my face that pricked at the skin of my neck. I’m pretty sure that it tore at the flesh and I was bleeding. But I couldn’t concentrate as I was pushed further out into the hallway as they worked to get Spock out of there. So much noise and shouts and emotions swirled around I could hardly keep track. The only thing I could focus on was that I was constantly being pushed back away from Spock. No matter how hard I fought the men who held me were stronger until I was shoved out of the building entirely.

I threw off the mask, my chest constricting impossible tight as I clutched at the fabric of my shirt. I couldn’t breath. My vision was starting to blur and my ears were pounding. I stumbled around like I was drunk, unaware that someone was calling me name. I think it was Bones but I couldn’t be sure. I could hardly function but the thought of a panic attack filtered through my groggy mind. Was I have one of those? God, it had been ages.

I found myself collapsed on the ground as Bones shoved his tricoder in my face asking me questions but I couldn’t focus. I couldn't do anything. All that mattered to me was Spock. Was he dead? Was he dying? Why did they shove me out? I needed to see him. I needed my First Officer. There was no way I would be able to manage without him.

xXx

I felt like a mother hen as I hovered over Spock’s bed. Apparently he was in a healing trance and would be okay. Bones isn’t sure exactly what got into his system but whatever it was, it wasn’t fatal. I nearly collapsed with relief when I found out this information. He had treated the wound on my neck and made sure that I hadn’t inhaled anything and discharged me from Medbay. But of course I stayed until I was sure Spock was going to be okay. It was in that moment that I realized, as I watched him dying, or so I thought, I couldn’t live without him. I wasn’t able to tell him this because I was called to the bridge. But I vowed that when he was discharged I would tell him.

xXx

My shift ended before Spock arrived at our quarters. Bones notified me when he had released my First Officer but I guess our room wasn’t his first stop. So that left me a bit ansy as I paced around a few times before I went to sit at my desk. Finding that I was restless there, I went and sat on the bed. That did nothing for me either so I settled with simply pacing again, waiting for Spock to return. He arrived shortly after I had been pacing for God know’s how long. I was mid stride when he entered.

“Captain? Is something wrong?”

Relief washed over me. Typical Spock. I shook my head and flew to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, clinging tightly to his body. To say he was caught off guard was an understatement. He was hesitant before he placed his arms around me. Eventually, though our contact he caught the turmoil that washed over me and he quickly began to rub my back in a soothing manner, whispered softly in my ear, attempting to ease the emotions that danced around. No doubt he found them overwhelming but I could not reign them in.

After a solid five minutes I let my arms fall limply to my sides, unable to speak. I didn’t know where to begin, if I was being honest. But the warmth that radiated from Spock’s chocolate eyes as he brought a hand to caress my face gave me the courage that I would need. No doubt he caught a bit of what I was thinking.

“Yes, Jim?” He questioned, voice soft.

A shaky breath left my lips as I brought my hands to twist with his, hoping this would aid in my fumbling words.

“Whe- when I thought you were dying, I realized that...That I can’t live without you, Spock. I know we’ve served together for over two years now, it taking this long to realize that we have deeper feelings for each other but I realized just how important you are in my life.” I paused, voice shaking not really sure to go on. “For some reason, this near death experience for you was different. I think something inside me broke at the thought of never seeing you again and-”

I was unable to finish my statement before warm lips crashed into mine, silencing the words from my mouth. Spock’s hands roamed over my body before I realized what was going on. Hungrily I kissed him back, wanting to taste and feel him. My hands slid under his shirt as I felt his skin ripple at the contact. Our bodies pressed tightly together before I found my back pressed against one of the walls. Spock tore at my shirt, shoving it over my head, hands desperate to touch the taunt skin that covered my chest. I mimicked his movements in haste, a sudden desperation washing over me. Spock picked up on this and the next thing I knew I was laying on my back, sheets pressed against my skin as my pants vanished so that I was completely naked. I blinked and Spock was nude as well. 

My eyes raked over his beautiful figure. His lean body and slender frame glistening in the light. I could see the bunching of his muscles ever so slightly as he pounced on the bed and was on top of me, lips running across my skin. He kissed and nipped and sucked every square inch he could find. He moved with such speed and agility my mind could hardly keep up as a torrent of pleasant emotions and feelings cascaded down on me, washing away all previous thoughts of fear and anxiety I had felt just moments ago.

Spock’s warm breath brushed against my skin. His body heat infused into mine as the Vulcan went lower and lower down on my frame. I was completely incapacitated. Honestly, that was a new one for me but Spock didn’t seem to mind. No doubt he had been waiting to do this for quite a long time. Hell, I couldn’t blame he. God knows how many times I’d restrained myself from jumping Spock’s bones.

Wet warmth swirled around my midsection before going lower until-. My breath hitched as Spock licked the tip of my cock before blowing a stream of air and repeating the entire process down my shaft and finally my testicals. I shuddered in agony and delight. For a Vulcan, he sure as hell knew what he was doing. It was glorious.

He repeated these actions a few more time before he gave me the sweet feeling of circling my cock as he began to suck, gently at first. It must have been the little whimpers that left my lips, the need and desire flooding my system. I think Spock enjoyed teasing me too much. But that was quickly satisfied as he continued to suck and nibble, tongue dancing around the top. I groaned in pleasure as I reached my digits to cling to his hair, tugging on the strands gently as my head rolled back. God, it felt amazing. 

My muscle clenched tightly. And then suddenly, Spock began to hum. That just about did me in as I yelped quietly in surprise before sinking back into the sheet, squirming. I clung to his locks, tightly. I feared I may have hurt him with the force in which I tugged at the strands but I could hardly stop myself as he brought me to my limit.

“Spock!” I grunted. “I’m going to-” Again, I was unable to finish my sentence before I felt myself release, shooting strong and hard into my lover’s mouth. 

I hardly had time to come down from my high before I stiffened as Spock’s mouth quickly continued to make his way down as he licked the puckering pink hole. His slender hands pushed my legs to the side so that he could have better access.

He teased me without mercy, earning him another series of whimpers. “Spock.” I said nearly desperate. I saw the hint of a smile and the light in his eyes as he darted his tongue around the rim. I groaned in annoyance and pleasure. And once again, I was caught off guard as I felt something much bigger and slick push in. I wasn’t ready. Not prepared for the size of this slender fingers slowly inching their way into my rectum. But God it felt heavenly as his wet digits slowly roamed the narrow track, stretching the impossible tight walls. Grunts and groans and unintelligent noises left my lips as he finger my hole while bringing his free hand to caress my body; my legs, my still throbbing shaft.

My fingers curled tightly into the sheets. I feared that I might rip them as my back arched, head luling to the side as I moaned. Just how long were Spock’s fingers, man? I didn’t know but damn, he found the spot I so desperately wanted reach and he was abusing it like no other. The strangled cries and the groans that fell from my lips left me breathless as I worked to control my flailing body but it was to no avail. And if I was certain, I do believe Spock was laughing at me. This brought me out of my sexual stupor as I stared wide eyed, pupils blown as I gaped. God, he was laughing at me. Damnit. I was going to have to rectify myself at some point but my brain was too overloaded for me to think of anything besides how good Spock’s fingers felt. And then….they were gone.

“What?” I managed to slur out as I propped my head up, eyeing the Vulcan. He was now on his hands and knees, slick and slender digits stroking his own shaft. To say I was jealous of Spock’s hands as they stroked his own member was absurd but true. I whimpered through gritted teeth. This earned me a delighted smirk from Spock. He was seriously smirking at me. I don’t think I had seen so much emotion from the otherwise uptight Vulcan. 

“Please.” I finally rasped, begging for another release. I needed to feel him inside me. I needed him. Wanted him. I was so desperate for this connection that a torrent of grief and pleasure and loss consumed me all at once. I knew he caught the turbulent waves of my emotions, unable to handle teasing me anymore as I gasped, his slick cock forcing his way inside me and beating relentlessly. It only took him a few thrusts before he found the spot I was so desperate to feel stimulated. 

Into sweet bliss I fell, the world slipping away so that only Spock and I remained. The overwhelming sense of calm and satisfaction seemed to dance across my skin in a beezy rhythm as our lips joined, the constant thrust of the Vulcan a simple reminder of where my source of pleasure was coming from. It was in this moment that something inside me shifted and it scared the shit out of me. I have never been the one to latch onto anyone, being a loner, knowing how often people failed me. I’d seen it too many times in my life. The only person I could rely on was myself. But Spock was changing that. He was giving me something worth fighting for. Something that could give my purpose outside of this ship. I’ve never been the relational type of person but my entire world was crumbling right around me and shattering. And it was in that precise moment that both Spock and I rode the waves of our release before he collapsed on top of me. Slick bodies twisted together as each worked to control our heavy gasps of breath. We didn’t say anything. We simply lay, hands roaming across taunt skin, exploring and memorizing. I don’t think I could bring myself to voice the inner thoughts that filtered across my brain but I am sure that Spock picked up on some. Someday, I would tell him everything but now, I simply wanted to bask is the bliss we had.


	8. Shore Leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this took a bit of an unexpected turn.

The ship was now vacant save for a skeleton crew. They had volunteered to stay behind for a few days before replacements came. Admiral Sooka had made arrangements on the planet for the crew of the Enterprise to rest and relax for the next two weeks. Though the extended time sound amazing, I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle that much down time. Sure, Spock and I could have a lot of sex and whatnot, but two weeks without action in space, it almost reminded me of being stuck in sickbay. But I worked to push those thoughts aside. Now was not the time to spoil everything the crew had worked for. They needed this. I needed this as much as I hated to admit it. My life had been spent always on the go. Well, mostly I had spent it running, never staying in one place for more than a few weeks to a couple of months. Starfleet changed all of that. It finally gave me a place to stay. A sense of duty I never experienced before. Maybe it had something to do with Nero when he killed my father and destroyed Vulcan. Maybe Khan helped to solidify my thoughts but I knew that I wanted to see everything through. For once in my life I belonged somewhere and I had people whom I cared for and they cared for me. I finally had a family. But of course with that bliss came the fear that everything would be ripped from my fingertips. There is no way I would ever be able to relinquish that thought. Too many years of the same cycle proved to me that some time or another I was going to be stripped of everything and be left on my own, no doubt broken.

Spock shifted slightly, alerting me to his presence. He had to place a gentle hand on my shoulder before I was released from my swirl of thoughts. His brow furrowed, picking up a glimmer but I brushed it aside by giving him my famous smile as we walked into the transporter room and stepped onto the pads. Blue hues darted to the technician manning the transporter before I commanded “Energize.”

Haven. It was a simplistic name but I found it fitting as both Spock and I arrived dirtside. We were literally smack dab in the middle of the sunny warm side and the cold snowy side. I oogled both sides of the planet and marveled at how it was possible. Of course I really didn’t want a lecture but to simply think on the manner. I was about to go up to the desk that was resting just a few meters behind us when I was politely guiding away to an awaiting taxi. I furrowed my brow and looked at Spock confused. He gave nothing away as we piled our bags into the trunk and slipped in. I held my tongue and simply waited to see what would be in store for us.

The road was winding on the snowy mountain side. People milled about on skis and snowboards, enjoying the slopes. The ski lift could be seen in the distance, feet dangling in the air as they were clung to by skis and such. The hint of a smile formed on my lips as I let myself relax a little. There was nothing to worry about here. We were on leave and all we needed to focus on was relaxing and enjoying the time off. A steady breath left my lips as I turned my attention back to Spock who was eyeing me. I arched a brow in a fashion much like his. This earned me a quirk of his lips before he allowed his attention to be recaptured by the powdery white snow outside.

At last, after nearly a 40 minute drive we worked our way up the mountain and to a single cabin nestled into the side of the mountain. I looked at it in awe and confusion as our bags were dropped at our feet and the taxi rolled away. It was only then that I broke my silence and turned to Spock, the burning question finally leaving me lips.

“What’s going on? I don’t understand.” This was not what I had planned for us, for sure. I was expecting the senior crew to be grouped together so that we could spend time with our friends in a casual setting but by the looks of this cabin, we were going to be on our own. Not that I was complaining but what had happened from the time I had made reservations to now?

“Come.” Was all he replied as he picked up both our bags and walked with confidence in the packed down snow and into the front door of the cabin. And the moment I stepped inside I stopped in awe and looked around. A sense of domestication washed over me. I couldn’t help the thrumming of my heart as I stood in silence.

“The bridge crew thought that it would be beneficial for us to have some alone time. We have several days to ourselves where no one is sure to bother us while we spend time in each other’s company.”

Another wave of emotions crashed over me as I swayed slightly, placing a hand on the counter top for support. Honestly, I wasn’t expecting this. Not from the crew. The fact that they cared so much for Spock and I was astounding. I guess I never really thought of it nor the loyalties that we had all to each other. I was touched and speechless.

“Is it not to your satisfaction?” Spock questioned, striding over to me with an intense gaze.

“Uh no. I’m just.” I couldn’t finish. I was speechless. “This is great.” I finally managed to blurt out, the tension in my body finally relaxing as I helped pick up the bags and took them to our room. This may undoubtedly be the most memorable shore leave ever.

xXx

It took us little time to unpack our bags and become quickly acquainted with our new living arrangements. Everything was to our liking. There was a plush king size bed with fluffy pillows and lots of blankets. It was then I remembered that Spock would undoubtedly need them thanks to his physiology and growing up on Vulcan that was. I took mental note of this.

The bathroom was spacious for such a small cabin. There was a shower stall as well as an old fashion tub. I planed to make both of use of those places with a devious smile on my face as I moved back down the stairs to the living area that was decorated with scenic pictures and extremely comfortable and fluffy couches and chairs. This honestly must be like a suite of some kind. It just solidified my appreciation for my crew. No doubt, despite Sooka pitching in and making reservations that the crew also pitched in to reserve a special place for Spock and I.

Finally, in the kitchen was as island as well as an L shaped counter. The fridge was fully stocked with mostly vegetarian items as well as a few meats for me. It just went to show that this ‘haven’ and vacation was well planned out. There was not a single thing that Spock and I would have to worry about save for what activity we wanted to do, if any. It brought a soft smile to my lips as I glanced up and noted Spock wearing slacks and a turtleneck sweater. I sucked in a breath as I appreciated this new appearance of him outside of Starfleet regulation clothing. He was handsome. It caused me to look down at my own attire which were jeans and a long sleeve shirt. 

“Are you going to be okay with the cooler temperature?” I questioned. “I can always bump up the thermostat.”

“I will be fine, Jim.” He replied. “I thank you for you concern. I do not wish for you to worry about me. I wish for you to enjoy this time. Can you promise me this?”

I didn’t remember when he had started walking towards me so that now he was in my bubble. I looked up into his eyes, taken aback but the depth of warmth I saw there. I guess I still had reservations that this was a dream and didn't want to give into it fully. But with the adoration in which Spock looked at me as hands came to frame my face I had to let myself believe for just a moment that this was real and it was ours.

“Okay.” I replied softly, my lips suddenly brushed with Spock’s as he gave a soft kiss. I instantly melted into his embrace. Then, before I knew it, we were making quick use of the sofa and the softness of the textures as they pressed against our bare skin. I was sure I was going to enjoy this shore leave greatly.

xXx

Evening came early on the snow side. I didn’t mind. The cabin was soon encased in the warm glow of firelight that gave off a beautiful orange glow. After our intimate exploration of the couch and a quick nap, Spock and I proceeded to use the rest of the day as a lazy one. Currently, we both stood in the kitchen preparing dinner. Spock was at the helm while I came alongside and helped when I was needed. I would chop vegetables or stir a pot, whatever was requested. I was greatly surprised that I remembered how to cook, seeing as how I had not done it in a long time; Most of my food coming from replicators. I swallowed as my mind drifted back to when my mother would cook by hand. It was a sad and painful memory but I enjoyed it just the same, coupling it with this new memory.

Dinner was a quiet meal as we simply enjoyed the others company, trading small talk and fond memories from our life during the academy or before. It was rare that I share so much of myself to someone but there was a level of trust to be expected with a partner. I was working, on it, I really was. I think Spock knows that and is willing to be patient and work with me.

It wasn’t till later in the evening as we sat near the fireplace, a chess board between us that I opened just a little bit more.

“Have you ever wondered where I learned to play chess?” I ask, voice soft as I moved my piece across the board. Spock looked up, eyes intent for just a moment before he looked back down plotting his next move.

“I have often wondered how you became an adequate opponent. It is rare that I find someone who is skilled like you.” Spock replied, voice soft. I smiled and continued.

“It was because of my dad.” He looked up and blinked in surprise. It was rare that I talked about my family. So now that I was, I could see had had his full attention, the game momentarily forgotten.

“Explain.”

“Mom always said that dad enjoyed chess. He loved it as a child. When they were married he tried to teach her but she never quite caught on. She says it was one of her favorite memory of him.” My voice cracked slightly as I pressed my lips together, bringing my attention back down to the board, a sense of vulnerability washing over. It was weird but it felt good to share something like this from my past. A memory that I cherished. 

A hot hand gently pressed against my own as I looked up to see Spock staring at me. The emotion in his eyes stole my breath away. Damn, that Vulcan really had an effect on me.

“And this is where your interest in chess came from?” he questioned, still touching my hand.

I nodded. “It did. Mom taught me. It didn’t take me long to learn. I would often play against my brother or my stepfather but they were no match for me.” I tapped my head with a free hand before my smile faltered. Hastily, I withdrew my hand away from Spock, a rift of memories starting to bleed through from a time I try to forget. His brow creased in concern, slight hurt at my sudden departure.

“I’m sorry.” I mummered, the desire to play chess no longer there. I rose from my chair and quickly went for the back door. Suddenly everything became too hot and claustrophobic for me. I needed cold, I needed air. The need for a jacket never passed my mind as I slipped covered feet into my boots and shut the door behind me.

Head tilted back as I took a deep breath, feeling the cold of the air burn my lungs. I took a few steps into the snow and let the cold wash over me. There was a reason I never spoke of such fond memories because they ultimately lead down a much darker path that I vowed never to go down again. I wasn’t ready to face those, nor would I ever think I would. It was something I never wanted to share with anyone for fear they would look at me differently as well as see me truly, for who I was; a completely broken individual who had nothing. 

My chest ached as I worked to bite back a sob. It was hard to breath and I was trembling in the cold. The sting of tears was threatening to spill over my lids. Teeth bit harshly into my lower lip as I worked to control myself. No, I would not cry. This was supposed to be a good time. A place to relax and let go. A shudder passed through my body.

Suddenly the warmth of a jacket was placed over my shoulders. I spun around to see Spock looking at me, his eyes filled with sorrow and a slight fear. No doubt he thought he had done this. Tentatively he reaches out a hand to stroke my cheek but I move back. He doesn’t need to see what’s inside my head nor feel the crushing weight of what’s on my chest. But the look in his eyes, the rejection he feels is enough to break my heart.

“Spock.” I struggled to say, the ache still in my chest. I closed the distance as I slipped my arms in my jacket. “Spock.” I tried again, voice a little stronger. “Don’t look like that. It’s all me, okay? It’s nothing you did.” My voice strained as I willed him to understand. “I just.” I paused. “I don’t want you to see.” I finally said, taking a shaky breath. “I can’t. I can’t see.” My voice finally choke as the grief I was dwelling on for far too long caught up and I found the hard back snow under my knees as I clutched at my chest and worked to breath.

“Jim.” Alarm rang in his voice as he quickly bent down in front of me. Spock was at a loss for what to do. With my wishes of not to be touch put him at a disadvantage.

“Jim. What can I do?” He pleaded, desperate, no doubt picking up the great emotional distress I was floundering in. 

My body rocked back and forth, fingers clutching at the fabric of my shirt as I worked to release the ache in my chest. Nose flared as I became desperate for air. But when I did no answer, Spock took matters into his own hands as the ground vanished and I was in his arms. The warmth of the house flushed back over my skin making me come increasingly hot. Somehow, that made it easier to breath.

“Spock.” I said through chattering teeth, struggling to be put down not wanting him to experience the cacophony of emotions. I saw his teeth grit as he labored up the stairs. Oh God. Why couldn’t he just let me down. He wouldn’t have to deal with this.

The bed was soon under my frame as I struggled. A solid had pushed me down, the Vulcan using his strength. A pained expression flited across his face.

“I am sorry Jim.” His fingers shifted as they pressed against the bundle of nerves at my shoulder. The next thing I knew was blackness.

xXx

Warmth radiated on my face. The smell of coffee hit my nose. Slowly lids opened to reveal blue orbs. I winced at the brightness of the sun as it reflected off the snow. When had I gone to bed? Suddenly, panic struck my heart as the memories came crashing back down on me. I sunk lower and lower into the bed willing everything to just go away and leave me alone. God, I felt like shit and damnit Spock was probably wondering what the fuck was going on. I groaned and rolled over to see a cup of coffee waiting for me. I didn’t think about it as I sat up and reached for it, bringing the rim to my lips and sipping. It tasted good and did me a favor of jolting me awake.

I felt mentally and physically exhausted. I don’t think there was going to be much of anything today unless I could pull myself together. Then I was going to have to face Spock. That caused a wave of anxiety to flow through me. What had I done to us? Had I severed ties with my emotional display? Did he want nothing to do with me? Had I really fucked things up? All of those questions and more swam around my head. I didn’t know if I could face the answers.

Still sullen and reserved, I took the quiet and empty bathroom to wash away everything from last night and start anew. I steeled myself in the shower, preparing myself for the rest of this shore leave to be ruined because of well...everything. I was royally fucked up and I didn’t want people to know. I undoubtedly pushed the only thing I held most dear to my heart and once again lost everything. 

Dry and dressed, coffee starting to work through my system I padded down the stairs as quietly as I could. I knew it would be no use because of Spock’s super human hearing but it made me feel better. I wasn’t sure what I was going to expect.

Lighted by the bright window, a frame slender and tall stood still and silent. Nerves bounced around my body as I swallowed not sure what I was going to say or what I was going to find on his face. Breathing lightly I entered his personal bubble but did not touch. 

“Hey.” I said softly, waiting for him to turn so I could see the damage I had done. 

Slowly, he turned. My heart thudded in my chest as I waited with bated breath. His expression was blank. Completely void of emotion. Well, I guess that was better than I expected. But I had no idea what he was thinking or feeling or trying to hide. 

The air seemed tense as I waited for the spell to break. It was eating me up inside and I needed him to say something. To at least confirm or deny my suspicious.

“Jim.” He finally said, voice soft and filled with such emotion I had to keep myself from falling to pieces as he slender arms slipped around my frame and he held me close to his chest. All of the mental work I had done to prepare myself for rejection shattered at my feet. I felt my body shake as I released some built up tension from last night and admitted myself to cry in Spock’s arms. I couldn’t help it but he allowed me and did not move or shy away. He simply rubbed small circles across my back in a comforting manner trying to sooth my troubled soul.

Unknown time passed and I finally released myself from Spock’s grasp. I brought a sleeve up to clear away the tears. My cheeks felt puffy and my eyes stung. I was grateful for his acceptance but I was seething at myself for letting those memories affect me so. All because of a stupid comment I made about chess. I was mentally kicking myself for that action. But the extreme warmth of a hand on my face caused me to stop and look up.

“I do not know what it is that holds such power over you, Jim, but you do not need to concern yourself or feel shame.” His voice was soft. “I only hope that one day you will allow me to know the full extend of what it is that ails you.”

A shuttering breath left my lips as I brought my hand up to cover the one that lay on my face. A sliver of a smile lifted my lips. “Thanks.” I said softly, taking his words to heart.

“If you are hungry, I have food prepared.” Spock started, ending this conversation and giving me a slight peace of mind.

“I am starving.” I realized as my stomach grumbled. Place on the table for water and a sandwich. Without hesitation I dug in.

xXx

There was no mention of last night as the rest of the day progressed. We simply took the time to relax and it gave me the opportunity to recover from such an...intimate and dramatic experience. I wasn’t entirely sure what I should call it. I always felt that way when something sparked a memory or struck a chord with my heart. Though I may have no ties to anyone, I was such an emotional son of a bitch. Hell, what could I do about that? But Spock took it all in stride. I think it is the Vulcan way. Not to press or investigate into emotional matters. I would not have mind if he did but he would have to do so at a later date. Maybe, with a little push I would tell him a little more. But for now we were both content to simply enjoy the other. And that is what we did.

I think the couch was one of our favorite spots. We spent quite a lot of time there going several rounds. It was a way for me to burn off aggression and pent up emotion I had still stored and I think Spock had been holding back himself for far too long when we had first started dating. I kind of liked it, finding someone who was just as horny as I was. It was a different experience. And this wasn’t just physical, a deep sort of emotional bond was starting to form there. I was too elated to give it much thought and cover it with the fear of rejection and being left because this is something I so desperately wanted. Spock knew that and he was willing to give it to me. I’m not sure Spock’s thoughts mirrored my own or he was getting anything out of this in return, but I don’t think he would be engaged with me in such a manner if he wasn’t. So that gave me some comfort and I simply went along for the ride.

Honestly, it really seemed I had hit the jackpot with Spock. I’d cruised through myself with more sexual encounters than I would care to admit for but I didn’t know any better. After all the world taught me not to form attachments. They would leave me in their dust and completely broken. I never allowed myself to be emotionally invested in something for fear of getting hurt. After the destruction of the Kirk family and all of the shit I dealt with after was proof of that. So the mere fact that I had found someone with resilient patience and who cherished me in a way I had never experienced from another entity was mind blowing and boggling. But I wasted no time in sinking my claws in despite my emotional reservations. I just prayed this was not going to bite me in the ass like always.

But I pushed those thoughts away. There was no need to dwell on such matter. Shore Leave. That is all I needed to focus on. Enjoy the time and forget everything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the support and the comments. They mean a lot. I do hope you enjoy this fic as much as I enjoy writing it.


	9. Can't Catch a Break

The rest of our days were filled with exploration of all varieties. It only took us the rest of the week to pretty much cover every surface of the cabin with our essence. Along with the couch being or favorite place, the bathroom was as well. I think Spock liked that the most. The combination of water and suds and unable to make vigorous movements so that we were constricted, it was a lot of fun. I of course put a few of my kinky twists on the matter adding food and a belt or two into the mix. It was a lot of fun and a good way to pass the time. Spock and I knew that cabin inside and out, finding all of the odd nooks and crannies we could get ourselves into and exploit. 

Our adventures even took us outside but we remain completely clothed and bundled. I don’t think Spock would have been able to handle this weather in nothing but Vulcan skin. There were several trails that twisted here and there around the mountain giving breathtaking views. We once spent quite a few hours in silence just gazing at the vast expanse below. It was something to behold. Our walks also took us to the slopes. I had to convince Spock that it was fun and he reluctantly indulged in my pestering. Of course he blew me out of the water with his grace and agility. I spent more time face planted in the snow then I did gliding down the bunny slope like Spock. I may have made a fool of myself but it was the first time in awhile I felt so carefree and did it for the sake of Spock, to get him to crack a smile or two. It worked, of course. I knew what I was doing.

It was on the eve of our departure from the cabin, our bags packed and ready to go to spend the remaining week on the lake side of the mountain when the blizzard hit. Though the weather was climate controlled here it was not unheard of that the weather would become bad. It didn’t bother me in the slightest until it did. 

Dinner had just finished and we lay curled on the couch looking into the fire. I’d taken quite a few spills when attempting to ski and snowboard. I felt the threat of a cold coming on that caused slight tremors in my body. I had to reassure Spock that it was nothing but the common cold and that I would be fine. It worked out since we would be trapped a few more days before we could head down to the lake. What better way to get well than in a cabin that was stifling hot and with my favorite Vulcan? So we simply lounged on the couch, a plethora of blankets and heat from Spock to keep me warm to hopefully combat a fever or anything that should come my way.

Not till morning came that we realized things were a lot worse than they originally appeared to be. I woke, groggy and hot but yet I was shivering. Mounts of blankets were on top of me and my body ached. Typical cold symptoms. It wasn’t till I attempted to move my neck that a sharp pain pricked at my skin. I bit back a yelp but Spock was already eyeing me. There was something in his brown orbs that told me something was up. It struck a chord of fear into my heart.

“Spock.” I said, heart beating, breath hitching. I didn’t like the way he was looking at me. “Spock. What’s going on?” I tried again, shifting under the weight of the blankets. Something griped my wrist so tightly I wasn’t sure what it was until it clicked that it was Spock’s hand. Now I was really starting to panic.

Fearful, I tried to sit upright but a wave of nausea and spinning bombarded me. The world floated before my eyes and I felt like I was falling. Nothing made sense. A solid grip pressed against my shoulders, guiding me back down into the plush pillows where the world seem to right itself once more. I gave a pathetic groan as my stomach churned. This was not a common cold. This was something much, much worse.  
“Spock.” I attempted again, hoping he would answer me this time as I kept my eyes screwed tight not wanting to look at anything. 

“Jim.” He said cautiously almost with hesitation. This only confirmed my suspicious. 

“Spock. What’s wrong?”

There was silence and it grew exponentially. I was serious freaked out now and the fact Spock was not answering my questions was driving me up a wall. I would have yelled at him if I was not so scared so I settled for trembling in fear and waiting in silence.

When he spoke next, I finally remembered to breath.

“Jim. It is my belief that something on this planet is not good for your well being.” His voice was blank, just like his face. He was hiding something. Whatever it was, he was scared too. Obviously this was something different then me being injured.

“Okay.”

“I am uncertain to the nature of its cause or origin but your body is paying the price for it.”

“Explain.”

He shuffled around for a moment before he produced a handheld mirror. He gave it to me face down before I took it gingerly in my hands and held it up to my face. I nearly dropped the thing and reeled back in shock when orbs fell on what I saw. My heart rate picked up, panic began to dive deep down into my soul and my body began to shake more violently than it had before.

Dark veins spidered across my skin, making me look like... Aw hell. I don’t even know. It spidered from the spot on my neck where I vaguely remember being snagged there by the straps of the gas mask. The veins moved their way down my neck and no doubt across my shoulders and chest. They also reached upward so that half of my face was covered in the dark matter. My eyes were rimmed red and looked bloodshot. God, I look horrible. No wonder Spock was looking at me in such a horrific manner. I swallowed and watched everything bob and shift under the morning like.

“Spock. What is this?” My eyes grew wide with alarm as I placed the mirror down. I couldn’t look at myself. It was too horrible.

“I am uncertain. I was able to radio Doctor McCoy but due to the blizzard that reached us last night, he is unable to come here.”

I closed my eyes and worked on controlling my breathing.

“I don’t think it’s this planet. Well, maybe partly, but not wholly.”

A slender brow arched.

“Explain.”  
“If you look at where the veins start, it’s where I was nicked on the neck when we were in the labs on ArD722.”

“I was unaware of this.”

“It was nothing. I figured it was just the gas mask rubbing against my skin. Bones took a look at it and it was nothing so he cleaned it up and had me right as rain.”

I turned my gaze to look at Spock. A little of his wall cracked and I could see the fear in his eyes. No doubt they mirrored my own.

“What do we do?”

“McCoy advised me to wait until you were awake so that he could better assess the situation.”

I swallowed again. “Okay.”

Spock shifted out of bed, fully clothed. He walked around to a dresser reaching for a communicator. He then came and sat by my side, flipping the lid and radioing Bones.

“Spock to McCoy.”

There was a crackle then silence.

“McCoy here. Is he awake?”

There was strain in his voice. I winced. 

“I’m here Bones.”

“Jim. What the hell have you gotten yourself into this time?”

I locked eyes with Spock before diverting my attention back to the communicator.

“I don’t know Bones. But I think I’m having a reaction to whatever the substance was in the labs on ArD722.”

“But I cleared you. The tricoder would have picked something up.”

“It is my belief that something here on this planet spurred the...activation of this thing in the Captain.”

“Okay.” McCoy paused. “Jim, have you done anything out of the ordinary?”

I shook my head and then responded. “No. Spock and I have cooked dinner for ourselves, we’ve played chess, hung out in the living room a lot, went skiing, walked in the snow….” I trailed off. “Nothing different.”

“Spock, describe to me the food.” 

“Most of it was vegetarian with very little meat. We consumed pasta, soup, and salad.”

“Don’t forget the coffee.” I chimed in.

Silence filled the air again. I literally felt like I could hear Bones thinking.

“Describe to me your symptoms, Jim.”

I swallowed before I began to talk. “There are these weird spider veins originating from where I had been scratched which leads me to believe I was exposed to something in the labs. The veins, as far as I know reach up to the side of my face and neck and down my back and front. My eyes are bloodshot. I feel like shit. At first I thought it was cold symptoms beginning last night with typical aches and pains but now I can’t stop shaking and I feel really hot.” I stopped, struggling to breath.

“Keep an eye on him Spock. I’ll work with ski patrol down here and see how quickly we can get up there. Jim. Don’t do anything stupid. Okay?”

“I’m not going anywhere.” I said sullenly as Bones ended the call and I sunk back into the pillows. “Why?” I questioned more to myself.

“To what do you refer?” Spock asked, softly as his hovered over me.

“Why does this shit have to happen to me? Our break was going fantastic and then this shit happens.” Anger started to seep into my voice as I turned away from Spock, not able to look at his face and the distress I would see there. I don’t think I could handle that.

“I will leave you to rest. Try not to agitate yourself further or progress this illness further.”

“Okay.” Was all I said as Spock left and retreated to the first floor.

God, I felt like a freak. I was hot, I was cold, I looked hideous and nothing seemed to be going well for me. My limbs ached, I found it hard to breath and nothing made sense. So much so that I lost track of time and was unsure if I was awake or a sleep. My mind slipping into some place dark and dangerous. It wasn’t good for me to be left with my thoughts.

I must have slipped into some form of unconsciousness because of the graphic images that filtered before my eyes. I felt my heart start to race, the fear and anxiety flooding my system. Breath was labored as I relieved something so horrific there was no escaping it. 

_I am maybe 9 or 10 years old. I don’t remember much. Screams and shouts and anger flood the streets. Everything is so damp. My hair is matted to my head, blonde locks stained with a sticky substance. I haven’t had time to process everything that is going through my mind. Mom and Sean. I need to get to them. Something is happening and I need them. I am scared._

_Scanning the streets I bolt from my hiding place and make a line straight for my home. It is quiet and the lights are off. I whisper for my family but I am met with silence. Something is not right but I am too young to understand what the feeling of dread is._

_With stealth I go into the kitchen. There is a knife on the table and I grab it. I am unaware of the subconscious act that makes me grab the weapon in self defence. I press further and still there is nothing but silence. I am starting to become petrified. Where is my family? Nothing's making sense._

_A couple of shots ring through the air by the loud thump of something heavy. I have a fleeting thought of bodies falling but I do not know why. But those thoughts leave me as I enter into the living room and stop dead in my tracks. My eyes bug out of my head before I am blinded by lights. Mom and Sean are on their knees crying and trembling. I look horrified as three men in black stand around them. Two of them hold weapons to my parents head while one of them stalks towards me. I was smart to hide the knife behind my back._

_“Jim. You shouldn't have come.” Mom is slapped by one of the men who hold her. She lets out a cry and I jumped forward. The third guard grabs me by the collar and shoves me to my knees. I do not retaliate hoping that I can get answers. I make sure to have a blank face so as not to betray the fear that has gripped my heart like a snake._

_“Is that everyone?” One of the guards asks._

_“Yes.” Another replies._

_“Let’s get this over with. There are still several houses in this quadrant.”_

_Terrified eyes from both Mom and Sean stare intently at me. I look back equally terrified. Then their gazes shift to each other as if they know what the other is thinking._

_Things happen so fast. Sean jumps to his feet and barrels back into the one who points a weapon at his head. No one has time to react as mom darts forwards and takes me to the ground with her. I scramble around just in time to see Sean being shot in the head, his body falling back, his insides splattered across my face. Mom screams in horror as she pulls me to my feet and shoving me towards the door. I stumble and race for my life._

_Mom has grabbed the knife that I had hidden and gives me a kiss on the head. “I love you, Jim. Never forgot that.”_

_I call out to her, strangled. She runs away and back into the house. She puts up a good fight before I watch as she is shot in the head as well. I cry out for my mother, the rift of grief quickly consuming me as I fall to my knees, not believing what it is I am seeing. But I do not have time to process or to think before phasers fire is shot in my direction. I bolt away from the house. I stumble when a blast hits my shoulder. I right my path continuing my flight into darkness. I stumble once again as another blast of phaser fire singes my leg, causing me to fall. I cry out but keep pushing myself forward until I am miles from the house. I am small and know these streets like the back of my hand. The men who chase after me are old and bogged down by equipment. I have the advantage._

_With nowhere to go, I run to my favorite place in the woods. There is a fort of sorts that was naturally grown. I fall in there, tired, bleeding and injured. I quickly cry myself to sleep hoping that this is some horrible nightmare._

I think it was the cold that woke me and not the searing pain in my body. Snow. How had I gotten outside? What was happening? My brain struggled to think as I rolled over to see the white soaking with crimson. I know it is my blood because I bleed red. How has this happened? Where I am bleeding from? It is when I shift my head I note the glint of a kitchen knife very near me also covered in blood. Who would stab me? Why would someone stab me?

The process of logical and coherent thinking is no more as I felt my eyelids grow heavy. Yes. Sleep would be nice. Something to end this misery. But it was on the cusp of blackness I thought I heard my name but I was too tired to respond.

xXx

Disorientation was the first thing that struck me. Then the pain. In a single moment of clarity I struggle to sit up, crying out loudly as the waves of pain crash over me. I thrash before I am shoved backwards against a hard surface. My head hit something soft. I struggled against the grip but it is like iron and weighed a ton. It is inhuman. I lazily focused my attention to the hands holding me down, my moment of clarity gone, the fog starting to set it. Fog mixed with immeasurable pain.

“Jim.” The voice was sharp and caused me to look upward. I saw bottomless black eyes and they glared at me. I know I should be scared and I should know that that intense gaze is not meant to hurt me but something about it caused me to shiver. 

“Spock.” I croaked. The black eyes soften just a fraction. His grip remained steadfast as well as his gaze.

“Jim. Lay still.” He ordered. It is only then that I realize that I was still thrashing about. And also in that moment the pain catches up to me and I groan. Everything feels like it is being squeezed from the insides. My muscles, my organs, my brain….Everything.

“Spock.” I croak again. “It hurts.” 

A flicker of sympathy and pain and everything else swims by in the blink of an eye before he hardens into the mask again.

“You managed to stab yourself, Jim. You were encased in a near fit of rage, screaming for your mother and a man named Sean. You waved the knife around before managing to go outside. It was between here and there that you managed to give yourself several abrasions. You were half dead by the time I managed to reach you.”

I struggled to process what he was saying. No. No no no. That wasn’t the type of pain I was talking about. This was much, much worse.

“No.” I rasped. “This is worse.”

His brow furrowed, not understanding. I groaned to myself. Why could he not understand?

“Please.” I whispered. “Make it stop.”

The desperation and pain was so thick in my voice it even surprised me. I watched as Spock's lips pressed tightly together before they parted.

“I am sorry, Jim.” 

His hand shifted and gave me another nerve pinch. It was then I fell into the comfort of black.

xXx

Two more times I swam past consciousness. But it was fleeting and nothing gave me a lasting expression except for the constant weight of compression. It was getting harder to breath. All of my limbs felt like lead and was hard for me to shift. Nothing seemed to work properly but it was the pain that cost me the most. Each time I awoke I wished for death but it never came. I was stuck in this damn immobile state and there was not a damn thing I could do. No way for me to communicate to Spock what was going on. It was the third time that everything changed.

“Spock.” I managed to croak. He was by my side in an instant. I could tell his own emotional distress was dancing around his facial features but he worked to school them no doubt for my benefit. His face was close to mine so that I would not have to talk loudly. Actually, it was a miracle I was talking at all.

“We’re doing everything we can Jim. The rescue crews are working quickly so that they can come up the mountain with Dr. McCoy.”

I guess that was good news. But I was about to crush it with what I was struggling to say.

“I can’t feel anything, Spock.” I said weakly. There was a moment of hopefulness. But it quickly vanished before he realized the other implication of my statement.

“Clarify.”

He knew damn well what I was saying.

“I can’t move, Spock. I can’t feel anything and-” I sucked in a breath and blinked, “My eyes are starting not to work right.”

There was a fear unlike any other in my voice. I wanted to shake I wanted to cower in fear but I was stuck laying on God know’s what. Then, there was silence. I had feared Spock had gone but I couldn’t do anything to make sure he was still there beside speaking.

“Spock.” Voice hardly above a whisper. 

“I am here Jim.” There was something in his tone that I didn’t like. I could tell he was plotting something and it would undoubtedly not work in his favor. I took a shaky breath before I was given another nerve pinch.

xXx

I fell in and out of waking. I was dimly aware of cold and running and labored breath. I think Spock was literally running down a mountain but I wasn’t sure. Obviously he knew that I wasn’t going to last much longer or in time for Bones to get up there. I guess it was a good thing but I don’t know how bundled up we were. Spock didn’t do cold well. But those thoughts all slipped away as I went back into the comforts of blackness.

The next time I came to, I think I was on the Enterprise. I was in the medbay but a section I never recalled seeing before. A mask is placed over my face and Bones voice whispered down to me. I don’t know what he said.

Finally, I woke up. It was quiet as my eyes slid open. My vision was a little blurry but I could see. That was a comfort. My eyes blinked several times before it cleared and I saw that I was in the far corners of medbay. That was reserved for extreme patience. No doubt this recent accident or whatever it was, was very serious. It was then that I realized I had no idea what day nor what time it was. I looked around and saw no one. That was until I caught Bones’ voice. He was very pissed off.

“I don’t care, Spock. I am damn well tired of all the shit you and Jim have been getting yourselves into. This time around, this was different.”

My stomach dropped. Whatever happened to me had been very serious.

“Doctor, your assumptions are invalid. We have no way of knowing if it was intentional or not.”

“Well, knowing you and Jim, I wouldn’t be surprised if someone was trying to murder him and look like an accident.”

“We have no reason to suspect the scientists on ArD722 would have any reason to harm the Captain.”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But don’t forget this ship is crewed by over 500 people.”

“Doctor, you do realize what you are implying.”

“Yes.”

I stopped listening, my heart rate starting to pick up again. What the hell? I didn’t want to think about anything so I willed myself to calm and go back to sleep or something. Anything to escape this nightmare.

xXx

“Should he not have woken up by now?” That was Spock’s voice. I felt a warmth by my hand. He was holding it.

“Yes.” Bones sounded confused. There was rustling before I decided to open my eyes.

“Jim.” Spock said before Bones came over the look on his face gave me cause for concern.

“Hey guys.” I managed to say. “How’s it going?”  
“Well I’m glad to see his sense of humor is still intact.” Bones rolled his eyes.

“How are you feeling, Jim.” Spock’s voice was low and filled with concern. 

“I can feel everything. And I can see.” I joked mildly. There was just a hint of a twitch of Spock’s lips.

“No doubt thanks to my handy work.” Bones interrupted as he came and ran his tricoder over me.

“What happened?” I finally asked, thinking I was coherent and well enough to hear what they had to say. They both remained silent before Spock spoke.

“While we were on shore leave, something entered into your system that activated a dormant virus of sorts that has left you incapacitated for 5.2 days.”

“What?” I gawked, unable to contain myself.

“Yes. You were placed into a medically induced coma while Dr. McCoy operated on you.”

“Whatever they were cooking up in those labs was some seriously sick shit.” McCoy interjected. “My guess it was some sort of nerve incapacitator to be used in war. I called them to give them an earful. Of course they denied everything. But with my quick thinking and Spock’s help we were able to get the thing out of your system. You were in surgery for a couple of days straight.”

It was then I caught just how tired and worn out Bones and Spock looked.

“What was it?” 

“I’m calling it a spider but Spock gave it some long ass name. But basically, whatever sparked its activation in your system sent out tendrils that wrapped around every single surface, organ and nerve it could latch on to. That’s why you had visible veins on your skin. It also wound its way into your muscles, nerves, brain, organs….” He trailed off like he didn’t want think about it any more. I swallowed.

“And it’s all gone?” They both caught the fear in my voice.

“Yes, Jim.” This was Spock. He squeezed my hand.

“I have you off active duty for the next 72 hours. I want to make sure your body has time to recover from being compressed from the inside out.”

I was silent, soaking everything in. The one thing I noted no one mention was my uh, little adventure into the snow when I was half mad. I hope no one would. I didn’t want to talk about it. No to mention I wouldn’t be able to talk about. Half of my life being sealed away as classified or redacted or whatever. Most of the reason why I never connected well with people, I couldn’t tell them about half my life. I scowled to myself then I noted the arched brow from Spock. I just shrugged.

“Rest, Jim.” He said, giving my hand another gentle squeeze before he left, no doubt returning to the bridge since I was off active duty.


	10. Classified

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I missed Monday's post. I'll see if I can knock out two chapters today. As always, I love the feedback you guys send me!

I don’t think Spock got much rest. If he wasn’t on the bridge, he was with me. He dined with me and I think he meditated while I was asleep. Not one time did he mention the events that happened on shore leave. I’m not sure if it was because he did not want to pry or maybe he was waiting till I went back to my quarters. Either way, I didn’t want to talk about it. No one really knew the name of my stepfather. Honestly, I didn’t talk about him or my mother much since they died when I was a kid. There was no reason to. Sure, we had good moments, our happy memories, but those were shadowed by tragedy. I called it the massacre. No one else knew the details about it. They’ve heard of it but they don’t know everything that had conspired during those weeks. I did, however. I may have been a child but I understood a lot of what was going on.

Alpha shift had just ended and I had struggled to stay awake to see Spock. I would be discharged when morning came. For once I wasn’t complaining about being stuck in sickbay. At least here I had people around me. Enough to be a pleasant buzz in the back of my mind to keep the bad thoughts away. Most of the bridge crew came by to see me and to check up on me. They all gave me well wishes and I gave them a sad sort of smile. I think they caught on that something was up. So it was no surprise that when Spock left my side when I had drifted into a light sleep I caught a bit of his conversation with Bones.

“Look, Spock. I’ve known the kid for years, now. Not once has he opened up about his family as much as he has with you. I don’t know why he keeps that part of his life closed off but I don’t think you’re going to get much out of him.”

Silence.

“But who knows. Maybe you’re different and can get through to him. That kid is as closed as a clam shell. He’ll talk your ear off but none of what he talks about relates to his life prior to the Academy.”

“Why do you suppose he is so guarded?”

Clink of a glass.

“I know a lot of shit has gone down in that kid’s life. From what he has told me both his mother and step-father were killed. From there he bounced around the foster care system on earth before he finally freed himself at 18 and got into all sorts of trouble. He was practically living on the streets and surviving on his own. The kid had no family left.”

Spock thanks the doctor before I hear him walk back over to my bed. I pretend to be asleep. Damn. Bones really hit the nail on the head. My concern was, was Spock going to ask me about it or not. I guess I would find out later.

xXx

I convinced Bones to keep me off active duty for a bit longer. Being ill or being shot at and wounded was nothing. It was the psychological stuff that really got me. I wasn’t ready to face the bridge yet. I should have said nothing was wrong and used my duties as a distraction to keep me occupied but I could not risk endangering my crew.

Admiral Sooka had left me several urgent messages. There was even a few from Pike and Number One. I read theirs first and didn’t bother with Sooka’s. There was nothing that that man could say that would make me feel better.

After I attempted to keep myself busy by completing a few little odds and ends, I found myself with nothing to do. Alpha Shift would be ending soon but I found I didn’t want to be here when Spock returned. So, I quickly changed into workout clothes and went to the gym.

There, I let off some steam. I had been inactive for God know’s how long. A week, maybe? I had no idea what mission we were on nor where we were going. I didn’t want to know, not yet. There was too much going on in my mind. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop and for something horrible thing to happen. It’s how my life worked after all.

Spent, I left the gym and went to the mess. It was in between shifts and no one was there. I quickly grabbed a cup of coffee and took my sweaty self to the observatory. For some reason the thought of going back to my quarters was not appealing. 

Quiet calm washed over me as I watched the stars fly by. I think it was the first time in a while I was relaxed and not bogged down my something; Horrible memories were no longer present. Coffee and stars were the only things that existed in my world right now as I sat in silence, nothing disturbed.

I assume hours had passed before the observation deck doors opened. I knew who it was. I had locked the doors with my captain’s code and Spock was the only one who could override it. But I said nothing nor moved when I found him sitting next to me on the floor, legs crossed. My coffee had long since been finished and I simply sat looking out at the stars. They were the one thing that I could always turn to and they would not betray me. They were the one thing in my life that was always constant. 

The silence between us grew. I didn’t know if he was waiting for me to speak or if he was working a way to ask a question. But I didn’t mind. His company put me even more at ease. I wasn’t in dread and that surprised me.

Then it happened.

“Have you been avoiding me, Jim?” His voice was soft and it breaks my heart with the hint of sadness that is there. I looked over at him.

“No, Spock.” It was true, I haven’t. I just didn’t happen to cross paths with him yet.

“It’s well into the early hours of morning. You have been here a long time.”

I simply nodded, shifting my eyes back to the window. He was trying to ease into his question. Spock didn’t want to press but yet I know he wanted to seek answers from me. Answers I wasn’t able to give him. That thought caused a grimace to skirt across my face as my posture slouched and my head feel forward. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with wariness and wanted to go to bed but I knew I was not going to get out of this conversation. Not yet, anyway.

“Just ask, Spock.” I finally said, knowing how much he wanted to.

“While you were in great distress, a walking nightmare, you called out to your mother and a man named Sean with great fear and horror. Why is this?”

I took a breath and braced myself to tell what I could without becoming emotionally attached. It was hard but I spoke in a monotoned voice, using my best Vulcan impression.

“Sean was my step-father. Mom married him soon after I was born, finding she couldn’t raise me and my brother by herself. He was good to her and me and my brother. I almost considered him my dad but knowing how my dad died, I couldn’t quite do it. I felt like it would dishonor his memory.”

I paused. I was about to enter muddy waters, now. Spock already knew that something horrible happened to both Mom and Sean. He knew they died. So I could go with the cover story that happened and they died in the famine that happened on Tarsus IV even though they died in the massacre. Famine was the safe bit. But the thing was, I was one of 9 to escape from the massacre and I was wanted. Probably still was. At least half of the people who had escaped from Tarsus IV were dead, many years after the incident. I could also be honest with him and tell him I can’t spill everything.

“We were on Tarsus IV when the famine happened.” I couldn’t get much further than that when I heard an audible hiss form Spock. I looked at him, making sure to keep my expression as blank as I could. His eyes were full of some emotion I couldn’t name. I already said too much. So as we looked at each other I simply shrugged my shoulders, letting him draw his own conclusion.

“While I was sick, those veins or whatever were squeezing a certain part of my brain that induced fear. I think it was apart of whatever they were planning. It picked one of my darkest memories and made it very, very real for me. It made me relive something I never wanted to.”

My voice had started to shake at this point and I looked away from Spock, feeling the prick of tears starting to spill down. I couldn’t stop. And then I was surrounded by something very, very warm. In a semi public display of affection, Spock had slipped his arms around me and dew me onto his lap. I didn’t push away, I didn’t bother. I was too drained to do anything. But that was okay because apparently Spock was really good at the comforting thing. I wonder if he learned that from his mom. I shifted the conversation to him.

“You’re pretty good at this making me feel better thing.” I said into his chest. I felt it rumble slightly in chuckle of sots.

“I presume you guessed I got it from my mother. You would be right. I would come home and tell her of the ridicule and insults I faced while at school. Though I showed her that it did not phase me, she knew better and would often comfort me in this manner. I enjoyed it.”

Sniffing, I looked up, honored to know this part of Spock’s life. It made me want to share a little more. I may get in trouble but I was tired of being guarded. Spock could see the tension in my eyes before I spoke.

“I can’t talk about my life with people because it’s classified by Star Fleet.” 

It was so silent you could hear a pin drop as Spock let that information sink in. That was all I would say. He could do with that as he pleased. I don’t know what he would do but I just hoped that he would run and hack into the system himself. I wouldn’t be able to stop him if he chose to act on the information. He was smart. He’d be able to figure things out for himself.

The conversation ended after that. We simply sat in silence. And at some point during the night I must have fallen asleep. When I awoke the next morning I was in my quarters.

xXx

Most of the time I felt like I didn't know what the hell I was doing. That is what made my crew so wonderful because I felt like they did. The Academy and those before you can only teach you so much. Life is a whole different ball game. And that is why I had Spock. So he could call my bullshit and reel me back in from doing something stupid that could endanger the whole crew. However, he couldn't stop me. Well most of the time he couldn't stop me. But I always took his advice into consideration but most of the time I was too stubborn until he really sat me down. But I did my best to keep our hot debate out of the sight of the crew. But every time I ushered him or he ushered me to the conference room they knew what was going on. It was in such place we were now.

"Captain. Stop being obtuse."

I rounded on him slightly sputtering. I was getting worked up for no reason and I needed to be cautious. I hadn't told Bones or Spock that I was still suffering from the effects of whatever that virus thing was. More often than not I would have to pause in the hallway and clutch my sides, keep myself breathing and reminded that no, nothing was squeezing me from the insides even though it felt like it. So instead I let out a stream of air, blinked once and attempted to control my voice.

"I do not appreciate the boldness of your language right now, Commander." Hues stared intently at him. But he would be able to see the slight flicker that I was taking his words into consideration.

The situation in which we found ourselves wasn't a very sticky one. It just had to go over smoothly. Spock and I had different methods of approaching things. It was through these mini heated discussion that we would often arrive at a conclusion that would work for everyone's benefit if we were lucky or for everyone at the Enterprises when it came down to it. The safety of my crew was more important than orders from Starfleet. They didn't see it that way but I did.

“Captain, I cannot stress enough important a figure head is to these people. They will spot weakness on you no matter how you cover it up.”

My body felt like it deflated as I fell into a chair and cradled my head in my hands. The air shifted as Spock hesitated, wondering if he should move. He was right. I was being stubborn. I didn’t want to admit it to anyone besides myself how much I was still affected from shore leave. Even if it had been a few weeks. Even Spock was starting to pick up how spent I would become after simple tasks. My gym time was cut short, our roughness during sex was dialed back to the point I think he feared hurting me. I wasn’t a porcelain doll I just lacked the energy needed to complete these tasks.

“I know you are not weak, Captain, but we do not have the time to explain to them the events of your life.” His voice was soft, emotion starting to seep through. As far as I know, he only spoke to me in this way.

“Fine.” I breathed, letting Spock’s words sink in. He was right. I was being stupid. My pride was getting in the way. If it wasn’t for my First Officer I would have fucked things up for sure. 

“Fine.” I said once more, solidifying my position on the case. I rose from my chair warily and headed towards the door. My hand was hovering over the handle when Spock spoke my name. I turned slowly and looked at him.

“Are you well, Jim?” 

He used my name. This was my boyfriend talking. Ugh, boyfriend sounded so childish. This was Spock speaking to me on a personal level. 

For a moment I considered his question. He knew damn well I wasn’t fine. I didn’t know how to explain it to him. I was beat, constantly fatigued and didn’t seem to be able to gather my energy back. I was living constantly in a state of worry and fear. There was a reason I locked my childhood away in a box and threw away the key. I had no handle on those memories and how to deal with them. Star Fleet had put me in a bind when they classified my life. Only those who fell under the red tape knew what had conspired. I knew that this was one rule I could not break. I trusted Spock and I knew he would keep my secret but I could not bare the ramifications should the higher ups find out what happened. So I gave a simply statement that wasn’t an answer.

“I’ll survive. I always do.”

And with that I walked out the door and back onto the bridge.


	11. Hostage

Months passed by as The Enterprise continued on her mission. Slowly I had begun to regain my strength and stamina so that I was the same as I was just a short while ago. Bones was still pushing the attempted murder angle as far as shore leave but he knew not to bring it up to me. Spock had several side projects which I’m sure one of them included digging into my past. The replacements had finally become acclimated with the workings of the ship which please me. It’s like they were apart of the original crew. Tim and Megan had quickly became apart of the bridge crew circle. They may not be on the bridge or senior staff, but they were quickly becoming apart of the family. It made me happy. I also started including them in away missions and joining in the rotation for cross training. They seemed to be taking it well. I almost couldn’t imagine life before them joining the fold. I hope they felt the same way. Both were a good asset to the crew of the Enterprise. I felt confident in their ability that I included them in a diplomatic mission. Spock, myself, Megan, Tim, and Nyota with a few security guards were assigned as the away team for another simply diplomatic position. Okay, so they were never simple but compared to the normal shit we deal with, they’re simple.

Everyone was dressed in their dress uniforms as we beamed down. We met the head of government, Roo. We were testing the waters about including them into the Federation of Planets. After I had researched the history of the planets, the government and workings, I had concluded that it could very well be possible to include them into the Federation. We were going to be performing initial talks to see what they had to offer and what we could offer them.

Roo greeted us and we followed Nyota’s example and performed a complicated hand gesture that were greetings and long life. Then we were ushered into the central chambers where the talks would begin. I felt confident that I could handle the direction this could take but I had Nyota for cultural and language reference, Spock to keep me from doing anything stupid and the rest as backup and observers.

“We are pleased to meet you Captain Kirk and the crew of the Enterprise. I hope that your travels were were uneventful.”

I gave him my best diplomatic smile and replied in a light tone. “Thank you, Senator Roo. Everything ran smoothly on our trip here.”

We continued until we were outside the central chambers.

“I am afraid only four of you are allowed to proceed inside.”

I frowned but quickly replaced it with a smile. “Understood. Commander Spock, Lieutenant Uhura and Lieutenant Good, you will come with me.”

They all nodded as he stepped inside.

xXx

I could already feel my patients starting to grow thin with these people. Honestly, this should not be so difficult. They had valuable assets to lend to the Federation but what they were asking for in return was outrageous for a first time introduction. Spock could tell was I reaching my wits end and Nyota was doing everything in her power to see around the shit that was flying in our direction. But they were persistent. Finally Roo called for a recess. I all but bolted out of my chair but not without giving my best smile.

Spock came to my side as Uhura began conversing with some of the locals to learn more about their civilization and society. 

“Jim.” He said cooly. I let out a breath before looking up and giving a smile. He gazed at me, intently. I felt like I was being examined but I was tired of hiding everything so I let him look and again, draw conclusions. It was a waste of time. It was something I couldn't do with Spock. Hell, I don’t know how he managed to keep such tight reins on his emotions and shit. God knows I was struggling with just the simple diplomatic meeting.

“Yes?” I finally replied, waiting.

He was trying to work out exactly what to say. Hell, I wouldn’t know what to say either. ‘How are you?’ ‘What’s wrong?’ The problem was, I didn’t even know the answers to those questions besides just the simple tiredness. Maybe the job was catching up to me? Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this? Who the hell knows. With the way Sooka has been running us, I’m surprised more of us haven’t fallen. God knows I am paying the price for his orders.

“Will you be able to finish the talks?”

That was a question I was not expecting but I guess it was the most logical and to the point.

“Yes.” I shrugged. “I have to.”

There was a beat of silence. I was wondering what else he was going to say.

“Admiral Sooka is being illogical in his demands of us and the Enterprise.”

I snorted. He sure hit the nail on the head.

“That’s an understatement. But you’re right.”

“And he has done nothing for your requests?”

“Nope.” I shook my head. “Not a damn thing. At least once a week I file a complaint about the amount of work we are doing. I feel like The Enterprise is the only starship in the fleet. I even have Pike and Number One on it but for some reason Sooka is protected by an iron cage. No one can touch him or tell him what to do. So, I simply follow orders.”

A tight lined expression crossed over Spock’s face. I regarded him intently, not having the energy to try and figure out what he was thinking.

“This is most unfortunate and illogical. Admiral Sooka is going to damage something that is worth keeping.”

My heart fluttered at the thought. This crew, The Enterprise, they were amazing together. So why did Sooka feel the need to push so hard? There was nothing for us to prove. We’ve met every obstacle he’s thrown our way and the numerous tasks we’ve been handed. The amount of complaints had been minimal among my crew, no doubt word has trickled down that I was doing everything in my power to rectify the situation.

Our conversation was interrupted as one of Roo’s assistance came and informed us it was time to go back into the meeting chambers. I gave a small sigh and began to walk out the door but not before I felt a gentle hand settle on my shoulder with a gentle squeeze. I looked back at Spock and smiled.

xXx

Negotiations lasted another full day. I was flabbergasted at this race. I had in my right mind to just say screw it but I knew that Sooka wouldn’t take no for an answer. So it was on the third day I was going to give them an ultimatum. They better wise up or we were going to leave. Not that they knew any better. I was sick and tired of getting the run around just because they wanted to start off high on the planetary ladder. No many how times we tried to tell them, it just wasn’t an option.

We were just about to enter the building where the central chambers were held when several things happened at once. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw two men walking towards us in a brisk manner. They meant trouble. Spock must have seen the same thing on the other side. Everyone seemed to tense around me as I reached for my communicator. I had just placed my hand on the device when two canisters were thrown our way. Spock jumped in my path, shoving me aside so that I was out of the initial radius of what appeared to be flash bangs and tear gas. My ears rang and I covered my eyes. The next thing I knew, white light encased me and I was coughing, sputtering back aboard the Enterprise. Next to me was Uhruh and the security guards and Tim. Spock and Lieutenant Good, Megan, were with us. I jumped up without hesitation and bolted to the bridge. Something happened and I wanted to know what.

The bridge was in a tizzy by the time I was there, still coughing at the smoke I managed to inhale. Uhura was right on my tail as I barked orders as soon as I stepped foot on the bridge.

“Status report. What the hell happened?”

No one had time to answer before Uhura said: “Incoming transmission, Captain.” Before tossing in on the screen. I sucked in a breath at what I saw.

Spock and Megan were bent on their knees, faces ashes and heads bent. Two of the inhabitants of the planet below held guns to their heads. A scary kind of anger swelled up inside of me as I did everything in my power to bite down the hateful words that were threatening to break free. 

My eyes shifted to the corner of the screen where I noted Roo was also on his knees, gun at his head. My eyes narrowed as I quickly began to process the situation. My First Officer and a crew member were held hostage along with the leader of the planet below. No doubt this was in relation to the negotiations. By having himself as a hostage, Roo eliminates himself as a suspect unless he is the one pulling the strings. They were so adamant about becoming apart of the Federation even if their demands were high. This was a ploy to get us to agree to their terms. Blue hues traveled back to Spock, his head lifted just slightly so that our eyes almost met. Though we could not speak I think we both had come to the same conclusion. 

“Captain Kirk.” A rough voice crackled through the atmosphere and onto the bridge of the Enterprise.

“I am sure, by now, you have surmised the gravity of your situation.”

I remained silent. The aggressor continued.

“It is our right to be in your Federation of Planets. We have much to offer and our requests are simple. But, you are being obtuse. So we have taken matters into our own hands. We have two members of your crew. Gives what we request and you will have them back.”

Seething anger rippled across my skin. My fists clenched tightly so that nails bit into flesh. Blue hues burned with a passion as I stared the monitor down, hoping that I could convey a little of what I was feeling. I saw Spock and Megan look up but my attention was held elsewhere.

“What gives you the right to capture members of Starfleet and make demands? You have put yourselves in an irreversible situation. I have it in my authority to recommend we deny your acceptance into the Federation and place you on a no fly zone list.”

My voice was level and as I tried to remain calm.

“If you do so, Captain, they will be killed. Simple as that. You have 6 hours to comply. After such a time and you do not give us the answer we seek, your crew members will die.”

The screen went black before I could say anything in response.

“Damnit.” I cried, slamming my hand onto my chair. Once again we were in serious shit. Just when I was making a full recovery and patching up old emotional wounds, someone rips at my heart once more. I don’t know much more of this I could take.


	12. Guns Blazing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess I should place a warning here. There is a dark moment ahead for one of the characters that involves cutting.

No one wasted any time in filing into the briefing room to work quickly on figuring out how to save Spock and Megan. I was at the head of the table, leaning in a chair. Uhura and a team of anthropologists were on the right, security was to the left and a few other members came to speak their piece too resided in the back. We were going to have to play this one close to the chest. I was not going to risk the lives of my crew and I sure as hell was not going to bend to the wishes of the people on the planet below. If we so much as caved once that would give them the idea that they would be able to walk all over us and whatnot. Starfleet would not like that one bit. I don’t care what Sooka would say, there was no way we were going to commit to the demands.

Voice rose and fell, scrambling to make their point heard and that they had the best solution. I sat in silence soaking up every single syllable that was dropped on the table and evaluating and crunching data. Uhura and her team were to give me an assessment on the stabilization of their government and get a better look as to why they are so desperate to be included. Maybe there are some skeletons in their closet they don’t want us to know about. 

I have Griotto on the security team as well as Tim, helping to take readings of the surface, find where they are being held and if it is at all possible, for us to rescue them and simply leave the planet in our dust. I was thinking this would be our only option. We’d get Spock and Megan out alive. I would see to it.

Two hours passed and we still have not come to a convincing solution. I pace in the boardroom now. I need Spock by my side so I could think. I always think better when he is around. 

“Enough.” I said, eyes turning to me. “Take a break. Uhura, Tim and Griotto, stay here.”

People began to shuffle out, curious to know why I had dismissed them. I kept my head bent as I paced, the three other bodies in the room quiet, waiting for me to speak.

“Please tell me we have something of value.” I finally said, bringing blue orbs to look at the other people in the room.

“Sir.” Uhura started. “This species is not hostile by nature. History shows they have had little to no war, focusing on progress and moving forward. They do have warp capabilities at best but they have yet to create a starcraft. They have had no communications with any extraterrestrial life save for the Federation. They did not appear to be surprised when _The Leeth_ came just a few months prior to us.”

She stops and I mull over her information. Something in my gut tells me they’ve done something or come across something that has put them in danger and it is why they are so desperate to be apart of the Federation and seek protection. Their demands are of technology and bodies to help their progress forward. What is it they hope to gain and achieve?

“Griotto?” I asked, wanting to know the foundation of the ground and how likely it would be for us to rescue Spock and Megan.

“Sir. It appears they are being kept in an establishment a few clicks north of the central meeting chambers. There are at least 10 life signs present. Two from us, one is Roo and the rest, I assume are the threat. Their defenses are minimal, armed simply with a form of hand weapon similar to our phasers. We could take them, if we really wanted to but I fear that lives would be lost in the process.”

By this time I had stopped pacing and was staring at the screen that was blank now. I could feel it in my bones. Something was wrong with this situation. When people are desperate they do stupid things. But the way in which I was addressed signified they had planned this for a while. It was not a simple snatch and grab. Thus, it lead me to conclude that they are hiding something they do not wish for us to find out. The question is, what is it? Is it something from their history or something current? 

I have no doubt they would be willing to kill in order to get what they want. 

Damnit. Spock’s insight would be really good right about now. Three hours remained until we had to give our answer.

xXx

The risk was very high with what I was planning. There was only an hour before our time expired and I had exhausted all options. I had several teams designated with different responsibilities. I was with the security team to rescue the hostages. Uhura was heading up a force that was tasked with investigating what secrets Roo’s people held and then I had a third team which was a back up. I had Scotty beam us up on the back side of the compound where our people were being held. We would take them by surprise.

Primed and ready to go, we were just about to push forward, the minutes ticking by when a voice crackled on our communicators.

“Commander Spock to Captain Kik. Come in.”

My heart all but leapt out of my chest at his voice as I scrambled to reach for my communicator.

“Kirk here. Spock, is it really you?”

“Yes, Captain. I must advise that you halt your rescue attempt.”

“Wha- wait, why? What’s going on? Spock we're right here.”

“Captain, it would be unwise to launch an attack on these people The casualties will be high in number if a war opens up here.”

I sputtered.

“I don’t understand. What do you want us to do, Spock?”

There was silence as the comm when dead. My heart felt like it stopped as I hissed into the thing, hoping to get Spock back. Nothing happened. I looked up at my team, confliction coursing through me. We had maybe 45 to 50 minutes before our deadline. We were here and ready to grab them. Why had Spock told us no?

Suddenly the comm crackled back to life.

“My apologies, Captain. Lieutenant Good and I have managed to escape through a series of underground tunnels with the aid of Senator Roo. We will meet you at the southern tip of the land in just a few moments.”

The conversation ended and I circled my finger in the air and told my team to pack up. Griotto notified the remaining teams of the change of plans and told the investigation team to fall back to the ship while we went to the place Spock told us about. The trek did not take us long and we waited for only five minutes before three heads popped out of the ground.

“Commander. Lieutenant.” Relief flooded my voice as I stopped myself from running up to Spock and hugging him. I then turned my attention to Roo. “Senator.”

“Captain.” They all said at various times.

“Mind explaining to me what the hell is going on?”

A pause. I looked from each of the dirt covered lifeforms, waiting. It was Spock who spoke.

“Captain. As you no doubt surmised by now, the team who captured us was desperate for entrance into the Federation. They had been pulling the strings behind the attack on us. They are a rebellious group whose ideas mimic those of the past. It is unlikely Nyota and others would have been able to find evidence of this past life for it was been buried deep in the planet. Because of their shame all evidence of their past has been erased and buried deep inside the planet.”

I held up a hand to stop Spock in his tracks and rubbed the back of my neck. So basically they were wanting to use us as cover up or a safety net. Awesome. A sigh left my lips and I turned to Roo.

“Let me guess, they strong armed you into making such high demands to either A.) Save the planet or B.) blow it up, right? No doubt with a blast of phaser fire something will happen?”

I was good at putting two and two together.

“Yes.” Roo said in a wary voice. “It is why I urged Commander Spock to get to you as soon as possible. He informed me of possible actions you would take. I apologize that I was not able to become forthcoming. We needed those demands to be met if we are going to attempt to save our planet which, right now, is a ticking time bomb. The radicalist thought this would be the best way. They wish to destroy while I wish to save. As you can assume we have other dark secrets tucked away.”

Another pause as I soaked in everything.

“So what are you not telling me?” I asked, skeptical.

“Many centuries ago we were a violent race. We were so ashamed that we abolished our past from the history books. However, there are those who still remember and wished to bring back those ideals. While we were in this barbaric state of being we made many enemies and endangered many lives. If we were to ignite what is housed under our planet, we would be obliterated as well as those who have similar devices on their planets. In an attempt to become all powerful we placed cylinders on nearby planets that were tuned to a device here. If it were to ignite, for and rain and death would follow a line to each planet and destroy it. but before this could happen, our people were saved by a group of which I am now apart of. _The Civil_. We worked to fall back from the edge and live in a life of peace. But the damage has already been done to our planet. So when your ship came we jumped at the chance to have help in possible saving our planet.”

I breathed in and out a few times. Wow. That was pretty intense. I have no idea what Sooka would want or say but I had a feeling things could get ugly pretty fast.

“So what do you suggest we do, Senator?”

“I will work with the population to subdue the radicals but I fear we do need your help. We’ve been shielding the abnormal signature from your sensors so as not to draw attention to ourselves but the Radicals are quickly working to disable them and undoubtedly cause a war.”

This was some messed up shit. Two factions on the same planet who hold different views on their past and future. Why? I shook my head absently.

“I can make no promises but I will talk with Starfleet and see what they suggest.”

“That is all I can ask for now.” Roo said, quietly. 

“Will you be okay? They’re going to be pretty upset when they find out that you’re missing.”

“I’ve already notified my council of the situation. They are being taken care of as we speak.”

“Very well.”

“Thank you, Captain.” He said before I gave the order to beam up.

xXx

Senator Roo and his planet were out of my hands. I made my case to the Federation and they said they would take care of it. I informed the Senator as of much but I do not know what the outcome will be. But the good news is, no one was hurt. Spock and Megan were both fine with not much of a scratch on them. I’m glad. I would have gone batshit crazy had anything happened. I’m sure. However, I just can’t escape this heavy weight that presses against my shoulders. I knew going into this job that a lot of shit would happen but this is uncalled for.

So it was in my room I found myself, shoulders hunched, fingers darting across the keyboard as I started making note of all the missions we had gone on during the past...I paused. Was it really almost a year, now? A year serving under Sooka’s command. If not a year it was pretty damn close. And what did we have to shore for it? Nothing. Nothing but a ragged crew and ship. I made a mental note to myself to keep tabs on everything else that was going on. Something was fishy but I couldn’t quite place my hands on it.

Feeling myself winding up in stress again, having not really come down from all the emotions that bubbled within me, I rose warily from my chair and left my quarters. I had no idea where I planned to go, I just knew I needed movement. So it was no surprise when I found myself in the bowels of the ship where not a lot of people go. It was quite, for the most part, of the voices of humans. The only sound that rippled across the air was thrum of moving parts. I took some comfort from that as I pressed forward, going to the back corner and slipping down against the wall.

Head pressed back against the wall as I closed my eyes. The vibration of the ship filled my bones. I was hoping that it would take away the turmoil that swirled around inside me but the feeling of unease and danger and wariness were fighting for attention. 

There was a thought in my mind that I shied away from. I had been thinking about it for quite some time. Months, I believe. I had pushed it aside for so long but I could feel it bubbling back up again. It was no secret that I struggled with inner demons and shit like that. Bones knows. Now, Spock knows. My life has been a series of one unfortunate event after the other, always shadowed by the death of my family. My name is known because of tragedy, not because of the work I do for Starfleet. And, in this moment, I felt like I was losing control of my ship. I wasn’t her Captain, I was simply the man who managed her. I had no free will in the ‘Fleet with Admiral Sooka riding my ass. A pawn. That is what I had been reduced to and I would be damned if I continued in such a role. It sickened me to no end. I felt helpless and powerless. No matter what good I did in the world, I was greeted with double shit. It’s why I started letting dangerous thoughts into my mind. A way to alleviate the stress.

Slowly, meaty digits dug into the the side of my boot until I grasped the pocket knife I hid there. I flicked the blade open and watched as the light glint off the shiny edge. The tip pressed against my pointer finger as I twisted the blade around, admiring the handle and the curve of the blade. I know I shouldn’t be doing this. I shouldn’t be hiding and finding release in such way. But I had already burdened Spock enough with my stupid human ways. I didn’t want to loose him but I felt like no matter which direction I turned he would, in the end, close himself off to me. Either because of lack of trust or because of so many emotions. I didn’t do relationships. They were foreign to me. I know I had vowed to make things different with my First Officer but there are some things you just can’t escape. Like my past. I’ve never been able to free myself from the clutch it has on my soul and heart. It reminds me daily what a fuck up I am and just how shitty my life is. I literally have nothing in this world save for my job. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I was losing control. You could thank Sooka for that. He was controlling my ship and dictating where we went. Like before, I was helpless.

So that is when I hardened my resolve and pushed up the sleeve of my gold tunic. I knew this was a bad idea but I didn’t know what else to do as I pressed the blade against pale skin. No, I wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t going to kill myself but I just needed to feel something else for a change instead of the compression that hovered over my heart.

Eyes closed, breath drawn, I whispered ‘sorry’ as I dragged the blade across my skin and bit into the flesh, drawing rich crimson liquid to the surface. I watched, captivated by the red matter as it pooled across my skin and began to drip onto the floor. I shifted my legs so as not to soil my uniform.

Taking a moment, I let my head fall back against the wall and concentrate on the one thing I could control. The pain. I paid special attention to each fiber of my nerve as it grew in a blinding fire. The skin screamed for a respite, not wanting to be broken any more. Blood rushed and thundered upwards and down, free at least from the confines of my body. The hint of a smile ghosted my lips as I savored each individual feeling of pain. It felt good, not bad. This, this was for me. This was my release and this was my control. For now everything could go to shit but I had my own little world. Maybe things would be better now. Maybe I would be okay.


	13. Regret and Forgiveness

Of course I regretted my actions the following day. The mean pink line throbbed on my arm as a constant reminder of the choice I had made. When I had committed the act, there were no regrets but when I finally made my way back to my quarters after an exhausting shift and then some, I regretted it. I had my meal in solace, mind too preoccupied with thoughts I didn’t want to think about but couldn’t seem to set them at bay. The looming missions, the piles of reports, the constant requests coupled with just really hating my job for the moment. But as soon as I stepped foot in to my quarters I was greeted by a solid force with a very strong grip. The air was slipping from my lungs as I felt myself in a very Vulcan tight embrace. I couldn’t move much so I settled for wrapping my arms around Spock’s frame and just simply stood there, enjoying the contact and the emotion and love that seemed to radiate from him. My head buried in his chest as I held on for dear life. There was no need to question but to simply enjoy. And it was in that moment I felt our body’s shift and we ended up on the bed where his body molded around mine in a protective manner like he was trying to shield me from all things bad. I thought the gesture was endearing but questioned why he was all of a sudden very….emotional. I think that was the right word.

“Ashayam.” His voice purred against my ear as I felt his lips ghost across my skin. His voice was low and warm. “I am so sorry, Ashayam.”

I wasn’t sure what he was referring too, nor was I familiar with that term but I simply let everything wash over me as he cast aside all of the dark and depressing thoughts I had been dwelling on in the past couple of days and simply lived in this moment. My fingers tightened around Spock, nails digging into his tunic as if I needed to be closer. His already tight grip around me grew tighter still as he spoke.

“Those were horrific events to befall you. Even as a Vulcan, no child should experience such a tragedy and watch a parent die before them. This man is evil. I am so sorry, Jim that you had to experience such hardships and tragedy.”

Ah. He had hacked into my file. I knew he would. I wonder if he would bring up some of the other things he found. Hell, there was a lot that wasn’t in the file. For instance, some of the questionable things I did in order to find lodging and shelter. Those were extremely dark times as I left the comfort of the foster system. Well, if you could call it a comfort. At least most of the people I lived with were nice. There were a few rotten apples which spurred me to leave the system as quick as I could. For fear of punishment and death I did not report all of the dealing of what had happened during my time from bouncing around. But I wasn’t stupid enough to let others fall into the trap that I had. After all, I was James T. Kirk, I knew how to hack into nearly any system and write code like no ones business. I enacted my revenge and simply left it at that.

Some time passed and I can’t remember who let go first but our bodies were still pressed tightly together as I brought blue orbs to look into the milk brown ones of Spock.

“Thank you.” I breathed. I wasn’t sure what else to say. I felt like I should confess to him now what I had done the night before but I didn't want to ruin this precious moment. If our relationship was going to work we needed to be honest with each other. I knew I would face Vulcan wrath if I did not explain or present myself to Spock but the fear of unknown and ruining what was good held me back from expressing the truth. So I simply smiled and pressed my face into the crook of his shoulder and sat there. No words were spoken. No action was taken save for the simple hum of Spock lips and the gentle rub of his hand across my back.  
During our cuddle session, I must have fallen asleep. When I awoke I was tucked safely in bed and warm. My body felt relaxed and I think for the first time in God knows how long I slept well. I didn’t want to move from this position and break the spell that had settled over my quarters. It was pure bliss. Everything that had happened over the past year seemed to melt into the shadows. A weight was lifted off my chest. I did not want to damage anything I had with Spock because he was currently the one constant figure in my life who didn’t care who I was, where I came from but simply saw me for who I was and who I am meant to be. I couldn’t ask for anything better. So it was with that thought I set my resolve to show him just how fall I had fallen into the dark pit of despair. Dramatic, I know, but it felt fitting.

Tossing the covers off I rose from my bed to begin the daily routine. My internal clock told me there was still time before alpha shift was set to begin so I quickly readied myself and went to the mess. There is where I found Spock waiting for him. His eyes lit up brightly as he saw me enter. I couldn’t hold back a grin of my own as I waved, went to the replicators to order some healthy breakfast of oatmeal or something. Bones had been in charge of my diet, finding I ate too many fatty and unhealthy foods. Whatever. I think the amount of running around I did counteracted the bad stuff I put into my system.

My fingers trembled slightly as I approached our table. This wasn’t exactly breakfast conversation but how else would you ease into a ‘Hey Spock, just show you know, I feel like my life is out of control so I started cutting myself.’ He would look at me and think I was crazy for dropping that big of a bombshell on him out of the blue. So I steadied my breath and took a seat, giving him a wide smile as I fished around in my oatmeal.

“How did you sleep, Jim?” 

I look up at him through my lashes and observed him studying me. He seemed to be glowing with...something so I felt bad for potentially ruining this good vibe we had going. So I took a breath and smiled, attempted to settle the unease that was starting to swell inside me.

“I slept great, thanks. Better than I have in a long time. I believe I have you to thank for that.” I brought a spoonful of breakfast up to my lips and swallowed, savoring the taste as it brushed against my tastebuds. My eyes continued to lock with his as he we gazed at each other. I’m not sure if he saw anything but the subtle shift in his happy go lucky glow faded slightly. No doubt he could read me like a book. That could either be a good or terrible thing. I felt my palms starting to sweat as I rubbed them against my pants. I just hope he wasn’t going to kill me.

A slender hand reached across the table as he pressed his palm lightly on my free hand when I had brought it up to the tabletop. I shuttered to think of what he might pick up, but I buried it deep inside until I was ready to voice my confession.

“What is it, Jim?” He asked, a hint of concern seeping into his voice as his gaze became intense, not letting me go. I swallowed and reached for a glass of orange juice and let it wash away the sticky substance that belonged to the oatmeal. 

“I’m not exactly sure how to begin this conversation.”

He stiffened at that but kept his hand placed on mine. I wonder if he was calculating all of the possible outcomes and words that I could say. No doubt the threat of a breakup may have crossed his thoughts but that was not what I intended to shoot for. Far from it. I don’t think I could survive with that severed tie between us. I needed Spock more than I cared to admit and this was me trying to work everything out to keep that from happening. So I took another deep breath as I tried to calm myself.

“Things have been rough.” I cast my gaze down unable to look at him. “That is no secret. I feel like the world is slipping through my fingers and there is nothing I can do to stop it from happening. The Enterprise is no longer mine, this mission is no longer fun and all we are doing is running around at the bidding of another man.” A brief pause elapsed as I worked to figure out how to word my next phrase. “You have to understand I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t want to burden you with the emotional stress I was going through after everything that has happened in the past couple of months. I respect you, Spock, and your heritage and I know that copious amounts of emotion could be overwhelming. But I was desperate to release the maelstrom that was building inside and find some sort of control in my life.”

Wow. That was a heated confession that was tumbling from my lips. As soon as I spoke the words I could not stop them. Spock’s grip tightened on my hand as I looked up, scared to meet his gaze. Brown orbs flickered across my face trying to read, to find a hint of what I was getting at but he didn’t know or understand. I gave him a weak smile as I finally worked up the courage to start the final segment of my sins.

“I don’t know how much you know about human coping mechanisms but I felt like this was the only way I could find a release from everything. No, it is not life threatening but it could still be dangerous if done the wrong way.”

Spock hissed between his teeth.

“I’m telling you this now because I don’t want to lose you, ever, over my human emotions. I’m telling you this now because I don’t want you to find out through the gape vine and think that I can’t come to you with things. I understand that now. You showed me that yesterday when you hacked into my files and read why I am so secretive about my life…”

I trailed off as I worked to shove up the sleeve of my gold tunic to display the angry pink line that was trailing across the skin. I turned my palm upwards so that I could show him.

“It was a way I could gain control and an outlet for all of the emotions that are building inside of me. It’s rare that I get to such a low point in my life. But with everything that is going on, it’s the same old cycle that I suffered through. Everything from Tarsus IV and beyond. I-”

Words stopped as a warm hand brushed against the healing skin and the grip tightened. I looked up from where I was gazing at the cut and found Spock leaning across the table his eyes lit with such a fire I almost reeled back.

“Jim.” His voice was low and urgent. “I do not ever want you to cause yourself harm because of life. I appreciate your respect for my heritage and personal well being but I would rather suffer with you then have you commit acts of self harm.”

My eyes turned downcast in shame and embarrassment. I knew I should not have gone through with the notion last night but, I did. There was no taking it back.

“No matter what we experience and suffer here in space and with this job, I will always stand by your side, I will always support you and I will always love you, Jim. No matter what.”

My heart skipped a beat as he uttered the word love. A sort of fond expression mixed with the lingering hints of shame crossed my features. Spock’s expression soften just slightly as he slid his hand down my arm until our fingers met in a Vulcan kiss.

“I know I was stupid.” I begin, voice soft. “Please, will you forgive me?”

“Of course, Ashayam. Always.”

I smiled faintly. “What does that mean?” I questioned.

“Beloved or love.” His voice was warm like honey as he gave me the explanation. I couldn’t stop the sudden swelling of warmth in my chest. A gentle ease of everything was going to be all right surfaced across my mind. No matter what shit we dealt with, no matter what Admiral Sooka threw our way, as long as I had Spock, things would be okay. I would be okay.


	14. Second String

I was no stranger to delegating responsibilities. I guess I got too caught up in everything that has been happening, putting everything on my shoulders, that I neglected to use options that were at my disposal. After an extensive conversation with Spock and Bones, separate of course, I had come to the conclusion that it was high time that I really start implementing cross training. After all, we still had two years left of our mission. Now is a good a time as any, right? So with a list of potential candidates I picked Sulu, Uhura, Chekov and Tim Davis. They all seemed like ample candidates and I had come to rely and trust them with my life. 

After Spock and I had spent many nights weighing the pros and cons of each individual, hypothesizing different results about who would pair better with who, we came to the conclusion that Sulu and Chekov would be paired together and then Davis and Uhura would be paired together. We felt that with their skill set and experience they would harmonize well and work with each others strengths and weaknesses. 

Uhura was great with languages and had a wicked swing. She was able to handle herself but she knew little of how a ship works beyond the standard class we are given at the Academy. Tim, on the other hand, is well versed since he is in the engineering department. But he could also do to gain knowledge of the bridge, how we work together as well as becoming multi-lingual if he wasn’t already. Not to mention Uhura was a pro at getting straight to the important part of civilizations and how they worked. I am glad we have her on our team. Both Spock and I believe that she and Tim will work well together.

When it came to Sulu and Chekov, they were very similar but vastly different. They had also formed a tight bond of friendship so I would hate to rip them apart of this command training. So it was with a little convincing that I told Spock they would work well together. Yes they both held degrees in the sciences and they knew their craft well, Chekov could use a little more training in hand to hand combat as well as maybe a little biological science. Frankly, everyone could due with cross training but that is besides the point. Everyone had a lot to gain by being paired with each other. I had in mind to mix up the groups later once everyone got comfortable with each other.

So when the end of the week rolled around and we were giving fresh assignments, I made sure to look over them and see just how crazy they were. They were pretty crazy. So I called a meeting with everyone in the board room so that we could go over the fine details. They knew that something was coming they just didn’t know what, exactly. I had also notified Bones and Megan too so they could be present. I had a bit of a surprise from them as well.

“Okay. Well I’m going to get straight to the point. After heavy discussion, myself, Mr. Spock and Dr. McCoy thought it was a good a time as any to really push the cross training route. So, we’ve selected the four of you to work in pairs as acting Captain and First Officers for the next several missions. In turn, you will all get a chance to act as Captain and and FO. Any questions?”

“What brought this on?” Uhura asked.

I bit my lip before answering. Only Spock and Bones were in the loop as to what was going on. When Bones had found out what I had done just a week prior, he lost his shit and nearly committed me then and there. Of course he also had to pay a small debt to Spock for being there for me because obviously he wasn’t enough. I think he was hurt more than he would let on that, after being friends for so many years, I had not come to him with this information. I had expressed how sorry I was and in the end he forgave me but I still think that it stings him a little.

“Things need to be shaken up around here. It’s no secret we’ve been running across the galaxy doing a lot of work and we thought it was a good time to start training you guys to, in the end, be captains of your own ships.”

There was silence as I looked at everyone. They all held varying degrees of shock and approval. I could not keep the smile from my lips before I delved further into the meeting.

“As of now we have Sulu and Chekov together and Davis and Uhura together. We weighed everyone's strength and weaknesses and we thought you guys would work well together. I have here on this PADD a list of upcoming missions that you can take your pick from. Whoever wants to start out as captain or whatever first go ahead and pick. You’ll be taking turns in this leadership role.”

I paused for breath before I turned my attention to Bones. “As for you two.” I let my eyes linger over to Megan’s face before sharing a smile with them both. “Bones, I want you to start training her as your number one. I know Chapel has been your go to gal but I think she’s ready for bigger and better things.”

Bones looked like he wanted to argue, not liking having these things sprung on him but all I could do was smile a knowing smile and turn my attention back to everyone.

“I’ve forwarded you the missions. So whenever you are ready, Spock and I will be at your disposal when you need us but I really want you all to take charge and do things how you think they should be done. You guys have completely control from now on until training is over. Are there any questions?”

There was a pause of silence as everyone looked at each other before bringing their gazes back to me and Spock.

“No? Okay. You have till the end of the day to pick which missions you want. We are currently on a course for Hantilith. This will be a first contact mission so we’d do well to play this one by the books. We’ll be arriving in 27.5 hours. That gives whoever is in charge more than a day to get everything squared away. Just send me a note when you’ve decided. Dismissed.”

xXx

Quietly Spock and I sat enthralled in a game of chess. It felt nice to delegate responsibility but I was just bracing myself for when I’d be getting a series of comms and questions and such. So far things had been quiet. The crew still had a few hours yet before they had to send in their assignment choices but I was excited to see how this would turn out.

Glancing down at the board I furrowed my brow. This was only our first game and already it was a bit off kilter. Or rather, Spock was. He wasn’t playing like he normally did.

“Is there something wrong, Spock?” I questioned, fearing there was. His eye met mine in response and we held gazes. For a long moment we looked at each other in silence. I was too captivated to do anything but stare. An itch formed the back of my mind causing my head to cock to the side as I listened to it. A sudden wave of warmth flushed over me and I felt my cheeks burn. I couldn’t say why but yet they were. The sudden arousal that started to form under my trousers was becoming ever present. What the fuck was going on?

“Spock?” I asked, feeling like he had some part to play in this. His lips twitched into a slight smile before he unfolded himself from his chair and walked over to him.

“It appears, Jim, that we have the early stages of a bond forming.”

“Really.” He sat next to me, very close as he pressed a hand between my legs, making me shutter.

“You did this?” I questioned, eyes half closing.

“Affirmative. I merely was conveying a thought I had and your subconscious seemed to have picked up on it.” His voice was low and soft, purring against my ear. Goddamnit.

“Spock.” I whispered. His hand rubbing against the rising erection. A tingling feeling began to pool in my belly as he rubbed, head lulling slightly before I found my lips captured in his. Breath left my chest as I simply relaxed as we tangled into a slow sweet kiss. I was very aware of the presen his hand resting over my erection. I was fighting the urge to push forward and tangle my hands in his hair but I let him lead.

The Vulcan broke away as he placed his forehead against mine. Our eyes locked once more. Finger tips on his free hand trailed down the back of my neck and reaching for any exposed skin he could find there. My eyes half closed as I shuttered at his touch.

“Wha, what was that for?” I stuttered as the hand that was over my erection began to stroke the bulge through my pants.

“You need to relax, Jim.” He whispers in my ear, breath brushing against my skin. “I know that these past few months have been hard on you.” His lips nipped at the lobe of my ear. “You take too much responsibility onto yourself. Let others take care of you for a change.” Spock shifted slightly and I stiffened as he straddled me. His own erection pressed against mine as he moved his hips in a slow and teasing manner as they grind against me. A harsh breath left my lips as I let my eyes close, falling into a trance of pleasure. His hands came and roamed across my face and my neck as if he were memorizing every detail and feature about me. His lips danced across my skin leaving little trails of licks and kisses and nips as he did so. I wanted to protest but I found my voice had left me as Spock took control of my body. 

Slowly his hands moved to take off my shirt. Tips trailed down my chest and stomach, all the while his hips rocking back and forth. My breath had become more even as I allowed myself to slowly slip away. Spock….I don’t know. I couldn’t really understand nor describe but I feel like Spock really saw into my soul. He knew how I worked and the type of man I was and...he just knew. Maybe it was that bond he said we were developing or something but it felt good.

“Relax Jim. Just let go.” His voice was hushed as he slid off my lap with unbutton my pants. I whimpered slightly at his sudden departure but was quickly rewarded with a naked Vulcan. I soaked in his beautiful features as he guided me to lay down on the couch. Again, he sat on top of me and bent low to my chest. His lips dusted across my pectoral muscles until they found my nipples. He sucked and bit at the pointy flesh as he picked up the rhythm of his hips as our erections danced together. I moaned quietly, the slow burn of desire rising in my belly. 

Hands rose and I bought them to rest in Spock’s hair and stroked his locks. He moved down as his head bobbed, lips sinking lower and lower to my groin. His fingers danced across my inner thigh causing me to twitch at the sensitivity of the skin. I stiffened, willing myself to relax so I could enjoy the moment. And just when I thought he was going to dance lower with his lips to form over my cock, he surprised me with lifting my legs in the air and pressing a trail of kisses on both of my inner thighs. I felt his teeth bite into the tender flesh and suck. I moaned at the tease he was but I was helpless to do anything.

“Spock.” I whined, feeling myself start to build to my climax. It was still very far off but it was annoying to have it stay in one place when you so desperately wanted to feel more.

He looked down at me and smile as he took his time exploring each leg with his tongue and teeth. All I could do was simply enjoy the ride. And then he brought his tongue to my sack and started licking, drawing long lines across the flesh before he let his tongue slide down to my hole. In a circular motion he licked, darting his pink flesh inside my pink hole. A soft moan left my lips as he continued to tease me. At this point my fingers curled tightly into the fabric of the couch. I bucked my hips and arched my back, unable to handle the sensation.

“Please.” I whispered, so soft I wondered if he heard me. Please for everything. Please take the burden off my shoulders, please release me from my shackles. Please help me to be free again. Please give me release.

My lover brought his face up to look at me and we held an intense gaze. Maybe he was reading my thoughts, knowing what I meant with that one simple word. Please for everything.

I watched as his lips parted to speak. “You will always have friends, Jim. You do not have to go through life alone. I know this is what you have grown accustom to but you have myself and Doctor McCoy. If you asked any of the bridge crew I am sure they would do anything to help you.”

My eyes closed as I let his words wash over me. He brought his lips to the head of my cock, legs having been released to lay on the couch. His breath was warm as he licked the head.

He was right. I didn’t need to do this alone. But it was all I knew. Ever since my family died I have been pushing and pulling and fighting to stay alive and do something worthwhile. I was taking on the responsibilities of this ship and hoarding them to myself. I had a whole slue of resources that I’ve never had before. But with the patience of Spock and Bones, I could slowly learn to let go of the control and simply live and do what I do best, command this ship.

I gasped as Spock’s head bobbed up and down, using teeth and tongue to cover my erection in his saliva. I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling, trying to keep the trembling from my body of how good it felt. Suddenly, I felt something poking at my hole. Eyes flashed open and suddenly he was thrumming his fingers inside me. “Spock.” I gave a strangled cry as the slow rhythm he was once giving grew into something more manic.

My body trembled and shook with the fire in my belly growing exponentially as I desperately sought for a release. “More. More. More.” I repeated, the sudden threat of need washing over me as I wanted Spock inside me. No, I needed him inside me. I needed to feel his touch, to feel him close. I needed...Just a need and I felt myself grow slightly desperate and clingy. I had never much thought of what I needed before until this moment as Spock’s words started to float around my head and dance before my eyes. It was okay to want and to need.

Without warning Spock moved in a fluid motion. He rolled me over onto my stomach as he separated each asscheek with his hands. No warning was giving as he went in mostly dry. I cried out at the sudden feeling of rough skin against skin. I whimpered and clung to the arm of the couch as he began to thrust.

“Shush, Jim.” He commanded. “Everything is going to be all right. Let me take care of you. Let me give you what he you need.”

His hips pounded into me as I bit my tongue, finding that his words had a double meaning to them as he pounded away with little mercy. My body shifted forward and back, skin rubbing against the fabric of the couch. I thought I may have rashes there tomorrow but I didn't care. I needed this. I needed him. So I took the pain with the pleasure as he beat relentlessly into me, hitting my prostate with a solid thrust. His hands came to claw into my back and drag across my skin. 

“Harder. Spock. Harder.” I pleaded, wanting to feel more. I wanted so much more. And he obliged, breaking into his reserve of Vulcan dexterity and speed as he suddenly picked up the pace that was not human. His hand snaked down to tug at my cock. I moaned louder than I had intended as a whole slue of noises and grunts and groans left my lips. I could feel myself on the verge of my climax. It was coming, the fire in my belly was roaring to a blaze. 

Spock’s fingers moved deftly over my erection, moving so fast against my sensitive skin I saw stars dancing across my vision. His cock slammed into my ass as he rode me without trepidation.

“More. Please. More.”

I’d never experienced such a desperate need as I did right now. It surprised me but I didn’t care and then suddenly, an explosion of pleasure rocked through my body as it convulsed in an orgasm that came with Spock’s. I shuddered and twisted until I finally collapsed onto the couch gasping for breath. Spock withdrew himself and curled his body around mine, taking me into his arms. My heart pounded in my chest as I worked to control my breathing. I could hear him breathing heavily too as he kissed the top of my head and began to stroke my sweat covered skin.

“How do you feel?” He whispered.

“Amazing.” I replied, nestling up against him.

Despite all of our exploration and kinky sex, I think this had been my favorite night so far. To have that explicit need met and given to me the way I wanted it. Yes. Everything was good. It was opening doors to new avenues I could pressure. Through pain and pleasure Spock had taught me a lesson. I had a family now. I had people I loved and people who loved me. We all looked out for each other and helped. All we had to do was ask.


	15. Cannibals

An inhuman scream ripped through the air before it was wrangled shut, to be followed by the gnashing of teeth and the tearing of flesh. It wasn’t till I thought that this was the end that I realized the scream had come from my lips as several sets of teeth tore into my flesh. They were everywhere and I couldn’t fend them off. The owners of the teeth had heavy bodies as they pressed in on me from all sides, pinning me to the ground. Pain seared on my inner thighs and chest, the most meaty parts of my body being ripped into. I literally could feel the blood pouring from my body as they bit into and bit of exposed skin they could sink their teeth into through my ripped clothing. This was it. I was going to die as I screamed and screamed by the tearing of teeth that belong to a vicious race of cannibals.

 

_Earlier that day._

Davis and Uhura had opted to take on the first mission. It was a first contact. Very simple and by the books. Nothing should go wrong for the pair. Uhura and chosen to be Captain for this mission finding that her skills in linguistics would be beneficial, more so than Tim’s knowledge of engineering. Obviously. Both were well educating in the species and how to approach in a formal manner. The Federation had been looking at this planet for quite some time now, waiting till they had reached a pivotal point in their evolution as a species before making contact. They were a proud race who valued honor in battle. They had a few enemies but what race or culture didn’t? Their enemies also resided on the planet. We knew it could be dangerous entering the planet into the Federation but hopefully we could broker peace between everyone or at least come to an understanding so that no war broke out. We already had enough on our plates with the Klingons.

Uhura ordered myself, Spock, Davis and a couple of other crew members to report to the transporter room at 0800 hours. It would be from there she would give us a brief briefing on the species who we were calling The Azul, for now, until we got a better understanding of their species and what they would like to be called.

As implied by their name, they had a very bluish planet. Much like earth but everything was in varying shades of blue, ranging from the babiest of blues to the deepest of night skies, blue. It was all quite beautiful when we beamed down. I was caught off guard by the sight. I know Spock was pretty impressed as well with the way his straightened and would tilt his neck every which way, in a discrete manner of course, as he soaking in everything with those chocolate brown eyes of his.

As arranged, we were met at a predetermined location by one of the locals we had hailed with our ship's communication system. Uhura had made contact and everything had gone quite smoothly. I was impressed and had high hopes of the success of this mission. The events that followed were enlightening and educational for sure. The way in which Nyota commanded the situation and how Tim would come alongside and offer what information he could to the locals of what the Federation was and what they could offer The Azul was remarkable. I shared a knowing smile with Spock of how impressed I was with everything. Maybe there was hope for us yet that we could get through a mission without some horrific event happening.

As our initial talks came to a close, Riff, the man we had talked with the most, invited us to a celebration in honor of new friends. Of course we all accepted, pleased to no longer stand on ceremony and relax for a little bit. I could feel the stress of the day release from my shoulders as I followed behind the acting captain and first officer, my shoulder brushing against Spock’s as we were lead into a grand hall. It was decorated in bright colors of blue, replicating the waves of an ocean. It brought a faint smile to my lips as I mummered into Spock’s ear and I saw the slight upturn of his lips in a smile.

The night progressed without event. Everyone was in merry spirits. In the center of the room people loitered together, dancing to the beat of a staccato rhythm. I hung close to Spock, engaging in mild conversation with the locals, exchanging stories and tale of what I did as the captain of a starship. I was always hyper aware of Spock’s presence as he continued to move our way about the room, making ourselves known and hoping to make a good name for the Federation. It wasn’t till the near ending of the festivities that Spock made a curious comment.

“Have you seen Lieutenant Davis?”

I searched around the room and rose a brow, curiously.

“Maybe he found himself a lady or man?” I beamed a brilliant smile as I saw Spock fight to roll his eyes. 

“Perhaps.” And he left it at that.

Riff, wanting to still celebrate our recent friendship, offered us accommodations to stay the night. We, of course, accepted wholeheartedly and soon turned in for the night.

xXx

The screams startled me awake. Spock was already moving, slipping discarded cloths back on his thin frame and I was quick to follow.

“What is it?” I asked in a hushed whisper as I fumbled in the darkness for my clothes to quickly dress. I reached for my communicator and radioed for Uhura and Davis. I got no response and went back to where Spock stood, glancing out the window. I couldn’t see anything in the early morning light but the way Spock stood in a rigid posture told me that he found something.

“It appears that we are under attack, Captain.”

I sucked in a breath and reached for my communicator again.

“Kirk to Enterprise.”

Static.

“Kirk to Enterprise. Come in, Enterprise.”

Static.

I hissed in frustration and clipped it back on my belt. We were running out of options. This had been a diplomatic mission, we didn’t bring our phasers and the locals seemed to be in a disordered panic. Maybe we could find weapons somewhere in the village.

“We need to do something.” I said, rounding on the door and reaching for the handle.

“Captain. We are walking into a blind situation. It would be wise for us to contact Riff and go from there.”

“But there are being hurt out there.” My voice bit. I flinched back at the force of my own words and turned my gaze down.

“I understand, Jim.” 

This caused me to look up.

“But we have no weapons and no form of communication. We know nothing of the threat. Therefore it is only logical that we rendezvous with Riff and go from there.”

I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck. Everything in my bones told me to run and gun but I knew Spock was right. We could end up dead in a matter of minutes for all I knew.

“Okay.”

Without a second thought we left our room and went in search of Riff.

Everyone was in a panic. Shouts and screams and growls were filling the air as everyone tried to run for cover. The people were held at a disadvantage, still groggy from sleep. They had no idea what was going on and neither of us could get a straight answer out of fleeing people. The only discernible word was _amazimu_. There appeared to be no translation for that word with our communicators.

While we were running and looking for any source of calm in the mass of confusion, I tried the communicator again, only to be met with static. “Damnit. Someone is jamming our signal.” Fury was starting to rise in my like an uncontrolled storm. I really wanted to punch something. 

Suddenly, I slammed into a brick wall. I stumbled back only to realize that it was Spock who had stopped. I hardly had time to right myself before I was snatched from the ground and we were tumbling headlong into the nearest building. Everything was a flurry of limbs and the heat of phaser fire. I was pressed tightly to Spock’s chest and unable to move Obviously we had run into trouble. 

Splintering of wood reached my ears as we fell out of the house and back onto the streets and the suddenly we were falling. I hit the ground hard, breath knocked from my lungs as I struggled to roll around. Spock’s body was on top of mine. He’d been hit with a stun blast. I groaned, trying to roll him off before I stilled suddenly as our attackers came forward and placed a device on Spock’s limp form. Everything in me screamed to get up and retaliate but with the dead weight of a Vulcan, I was useless, so I pretended to be knocked out and wait to see what was to come. I hoped to God the Enterprise was getting some sort of reading as to what was going on. Otherwise we were completely screwed.

xXx

I learned later that the device that was placed on Spock was a locator beacon. It wasn’t long before we were beamed onto another ship. If there was a ship here, surely the Enterprise would know about it and they would be working to figure out where the hell we were. The would know that the comms weren’t working and they would come to rescue us. With a downed Vulcan, it was going to be up to me to get us out of this situation. I wasn’t sure how long we were going to be captured.

They placed us two to a holding cell. The wires were thin and looked easy enough to break, but I quickly found out there was a force field around them and left my hand tingling at the sensation. It wasn’t till my right shoulder and arm were blistered that I finally stopped trying to break free. Obviously these creatures didn’t think anyone would try to escape because the hall was empty and dimly lit. I couldn’t see anything except for the faint glow coming from the other cells. Everyone seemed to be knocked out. I hope someone, anyone, would wake up soon and could tell me what was going on.

It was shortly after I gave up trying to break through the door that Spock came to. I crouched beside him as brown eyes fluttered open.

“You’re injured.”

I frowned and then looked at where he was pointing.

“Oh yeah. Well, I was stupid and tried to break out of the cell.”

Spock arched his brow. I could tell he was displeased but I simply shrugged my shoulders.

“What has conspired since the attack?” 

With a steady gaze I watched as he shifted into the a sitting position. I could tell he wasn’t 100%. But I brushed it aside and explained.

“You got hit and fell on top of me. I wasn’t able to shove you off and we were then beamed aboard this ship. No guards are in the halls and everything seems to be very quiet. I think everyone is still suffering from whatever the the blast was. I don’t remember reading about these species being native to the planet some I’m thinking they are either A.) A random raiding party or B.) Someone called them.”

“You think there is foul play.”

“I always think there can be foul play. Have you noticed how much shit we’ve gotten into since Sooka took over? I’m beginning to think that Bones might be right. Not about the mark on my back but something is going on.”

Silence stretched between us. I could tell that Spock was thinking and he was also on the verge of telling me something. I could feel it in my bones.

“What, Spock?” I finally questioned, weariness creeping into my voice.

“Since the lab incident I have been keeping records of all of our missions and all of the things that have gone wrong. It is alarming the amount of trouble that has befallen us in the short amount of time. It is more so than when we were advised under Number One.”

“And?”

“And nothing. I do not have enough data to draw a conclusion.”

“What’s your best guess.” I pressed.

“Vulcan’s do not guess.”

I rolled my eyes. “Come on, Spock. Tell me.”

“There is a curious pattern between our ship’s locations and the planets we visit. Oddly enough, each place we have visited has direct ties to Admiral Sooka. It is my belief that he has designed this specific course for us that is teetering to fall away from the ideals of Star Fleet.”

“How do you mean?” I was getting confused.

Spock pressed his lips together, trying to find the best way to formulate his sentence.

He never got the chance as the loud drumming of feet caught our ears. I perked up and rushed to the wires that held us in place. I was careful not to touch as I strained my eyes in the darkness to see. Spock was by my side in an instance.

“It appears they are drawing the prisoners one by one and hauling them away.”

“How long do you think we have?”

“I would say that we have 6.2 minutes before they reach our cell.”

“Okay. We need an escape plan. I think we can escape their custody, take one of their weapons and run like hell to contact the Enterprise.”

“Captain, that is an ill conceived idea.”

“But it’s all we have with only 5 minutes before we’re released.”

“6.1”

“Whatever.”

Spock sighed. “Very well.”

I stood tall as we waited for our guards to come get us. We were at the very end of the hall. I think we were the last on the block if I’m being honest. 

Two guards who were dressed in hard pressed leather glared at us and motion for us to move. Their skin was dry and looked like a rino. They reeked of decaying meat and looked very animalistic. Almost like an evolved caveman. if that was even possible.

They pushed us down the hall and began herded us with the rest of the crowed. I had the strange sensation of being taken to a slaughter. A chill ran down my spine and Spock glanced at me. We shared a look and I think we had the same thought.

My pace was slow so I could buy us time. I could tell our captors were getting irritated because they kept shoving the muzzle of their phaser into my back. I stumbled a few times so that their attention was on me. Then, with a single nod, Spock rounded on his heel, lashed out and disabled the two guards in the moment it took me to get my bearings. We snatched their weapons and quickly padded down the hallway.

“Do you happen to remember the way in which you were brought in?”

“Not really, but I do remember seeing something that looked like a terminal. Hopefully we can contact the Enterprise.”

It was still strangely quiet on the ship. It was starting to unnerve me. The only sign that things were alive was the soft hum of the ship. It was even quieter than the Enterprise. Made me wonder if they were simply orbiting the planet.

Several minutes passed and we quickly found the terminal. I had Spock stand guard as I worked to break into the alien system. It seemed very similar to earth technology. It was in the middle of my scrolling to look for a way to communicate with my ship when something caught my eye. I clicked on it and only had a moment to scan before Spock interrupted me.

“Captain, we must hurry.”

My fingers flew across the screen as I hit the send button on the information I had just seen so that I would have it for later and then tried to hail the Enterprise.

“This is the U.S.S. Enterprise, to who am I speaking?”

“This is Captain James T. Kirk.”

“Captain.” The voice seemed relieved. “We’ve been trying to hail you for several hours now. We know about the attack on the planet.”

“Spock and I are stuck on the alien vessel that is responsible. Send over a rescue party so we can free the captives.”

“Yes sir. Enterprise out.”

Silence stretched as Spock grabbed my wrist and hauled me away. We’d have to lay low until reinforcements arrive.

xXx

I should have known that all hell was going to break loose.

After I had contacted the Enterprise and Spock and I found a place to lay low, alarms sounded and these creatures on the vessel came out of the woodwork. That is when we heard the screams, just like the ones we had heard planetside. It sent chills down my spine as I raced out without thinking. I was dimly aware that Spock had called my name but I didn’t care. People were in trouble and they needed help. But when I rounded the corner I froze in my tracks at what I saw. I wanted to vomit at the carnage that was before me.

These creatures wasted no time when their alarms sounded to ‘dig in’ to the prisoners. My assumption had been right that we were being led to the slaughter. Limbs were flying everywhere, blood was coating the floor and people were being torn into by savage teeth.

“Oh my God.” I leaned heavily on the wall and tried to hold myself together. I stole a glance at Spock and he was worse off than me. So, without a second thought, I went in, guns blazing, and began shooting the cannibals one by one.

The fight was brutal but I managed to pop off quite a few. They were taken by surprise that they were being met with resistance. Their faces morphed into one of rage as flesh and blood covered their faces. Anger was powerful in their eyes. It sent a spike of fear into my heart. Pure animalistic instincts is what these guys were running on right now. They were in an eating frenzy. So I wasted no time and blowing the guys brains out and kept on plucking away. But after one was killed, two more seemed to take it’s place and there was nothing I could do. It was a losing battle and we needed the Enterprise. Now.

We were too overwhelmed. We were going to be overtaken. “Spock!” I cried desperately, searching for his lean figure. I couldn’t see him in the mass of bodies and blood. The floor was so slick I could hardly keep my footing. So when I slipped and cracked my head on the ground, I knew I was done for.

An inhuman scream ripped through the air before it was wrangled shut, to be followed by the gnashing of teeth and the tearing of flesh. It wasn’t till I thought that this was the end that I realized the scream had come from my lips as several sets of teeth tore into my flesh. They were everywhere and I couldn’t fend them off. The owners of the teeth had heavy bodies as they pressed in on me from all sides, pinning me to the ground. Pain seared on my inner thighs and chest, the most meaty parts of my body being ripped in to. I literally could feel the blood pouring from my body as they bit into every exposed skin they could sink their teeth into through my ripped clothing. This was it. I was going to die as I screamed and screamed by the tearing of teeth that belong to a vicious race of cannibals.

The pain was immense. I don’t know if it was the bites or the fear of the death that was sure to take me. I was immobile and all I could do was hope that someone could come to my rescue. My limbs failed to work to fend off my attackers. All I could do was curl into myself to try and keep from being eaten to death. But it all seemed futile until I felt the singe of phase fire and a lot more commotion. 

Blood soaked my body everywhere. I wasn’t sure if it was mine or the coating on the floor. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t stand. I was sure that I would bleed out at any minute. 

Suddenly I was scooped up off the ground and we were running, running as swiftly as Vulcan legs could go. At least, I assumed they were Vulcan. I was struggling to think and to remain conscious. My lips parted so I could speak but I was immediately met with the taste of blood. I felt my stomach churn. My eyes bulged and I grasped at my savior’s chest.

“Stop!” I croaked.

He didn’t.

“Stop!” I tried to say more forcefully as we came to a jarring halt and I leaned over the side, expelling the contents of my stomach from the night before. My head swam and my vision was spotty. I felt sick and disgusting.

Finding that I was finished, the man carrying me picked up speed again until we were far away from the masses of bodies and the feeding frenzy. That is when I lost conscious. Pain and blood loss were the only things I remembered.

xXx

“Goddammit, Jim!” McCoy yelled at me the moment my eyes opened. That was not something I needed the first thing when waking up. I wasn’t sure how I felt. Memories wasted no time in rushing back and suddenly my eyes grew wide. Bones’ knew the face and handed me a waste basket as I emptied the contents of my stomach again. I groaned and then took the water that was handed to me. A sympathetic look crossed Bones’ face and he relaxed slightly.

“What the hell were you thinking, Jim?”

“Those people needed help.”

“You couldn’t wait for backup?”

He glared at me and I glared right back before I fell back onto my pillow and groaned.

“What’s the damage?”

“It’s a freaking miracle you’re alive. You can thank Spock for that, as always. And of course, my top notch medical skills.”

I gave a half laugh.

“You’re lucky you didn’t bleed out. Those cannibals knew where to bite when they...ate you. They went for the major arteries and bit down all the way to the bone. You’re gonna be stuck here for a while. This is going to take a lot of healing, going through that much tissue and muscle.”

McCoy’s words were making me sick again and I reached for the basket a second time to empty my stomach of nothing. This was going to be a nightmare to recover from. I could tell.

“And the prisoners?”

“We were able to save and treat some of them but they were in pretty bad shape.”

“And Spock?”

“He’ll survive. Those beasts weren’t use to Vulcan’s and he was able to subdue a lot of them. He has a few bite marks but nothing I couldn’t handle. He’s on the bridge now. I’ll comm him.”

Bones left me to my own thoughts. I tried desperately not to think of the events that had unfolded. It was then I didn’t know how long I had been out. How many days had passed? Where were we? What about Uhura and Davis?

Too many questions rolled around in my head. Hopefully Spock could answer them all for me.

“Jim.”

I was drawn from my thoughts and I turned to see the Vulcan. I gave him a wide grin. I could tell he was struggling. Obviously I looked like shit.

“Spock.” Voice warm. “How are you?”

“I am well. But do not concern yourself with me. How are you feeling?”

“Like I was served on a silver platter.” I joked but quickly wish I could take it back when I saw the dark expression on his face.

“Sorry.” I mumbled. “How long have I been out?”

“Four days. Doctor McCoy had to give you a blood transfusion to be rid of and replace everything you had lost. He also kept you under so that your muscles could heal. The...bite marks were quite deep and needed to be operated on. If you had been conscious for the healing process you would have been in sever pain.”

I let all of that soak in.

“Are Uhura and Davis okay?”

“They are well. Davis managed to have himself and Lieutenant Uhura beamed back aboard the Enterprise before the attack happened.”

“Huh.” Was all I said as I suddenly remembered the log I had seen on the alien ship. I made a mental note to look at that when I could.

“Where are we now?”

“Currently en route to our third mission. Sulu and Chekov are on the bridge now. We will arrive within 20 minutes.”

“I take it nothing happened with the second mission?”

“It was simply a task of escorting an ambassador. Nothing major.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

There was silence again and Spock moved closer so that he was next to my bed. His hand extended slowly until he curled his fingers around mine. I looked at our clasped hands before looking back up at him. His gaze was intense and I knew something heavy was coming next.

“Jim. How are you?” His voice was soft, sincerity in his eyes washed over me. Even though his face was impassive I could tell what he was referring too.

It was a moment before I spoke. Honestly, I hadn’t thought about it, too preoccupied with everything that had happened.

“Something is going on, Spock.” I whispered. “And I’m suffering for it.”

I looked away. His gripped tightened. 

“I don’t feel like harming myself.” I said at last, knowing that is what he was searching for. “But.” What the hell did I say? The world was against me? I had no proof. I felt like everything I knew was slowly slipping away from me.

Finally, I brought my gaze back up, unable to keep the torrent of emotions from flooding my body. Spock flinched but he kept his hold steadfast. “I don’t know what’s going on Spock. something isn’t right here and I don’t know what it is. I’m losing control and everything is turning upside down. I feel like my circle of trust is slowly growing smaller and smaller.”

It was true. I had an inkling of what that transmission I found was going to contain. My friend circle was polluted with someone or something. I couldn’t prove it but I felt it in the back of my mind. 

I sighed and let go.

“Will you say?” I asked. I knew for certain though that Spock was a constant in my life and I could trust him. No matter what.

“As you wish.” Without a second's hesitation he slipped on the biobed with me and I drifted to sleep.


	16. Research Work

Since I had a week of medical leave, I made sure to keep myself busy. Bones refrained me from doing anything too strenuous and when Spock wasn’t on the bridge he was at my side, hovering. I tried to be annoyed at the fact but I couldn’t bring myself to be because the message his actions sent me were endearing and I was grateful. So I simply let everything happen. It also gave me a lot of time to think and think I did. They were not happy thoughts.

The conversation Spock and I had had during our recent away mission left me feeling uneasy. Was there something relating to the away missions that Sooka sent us on or where we grasping at straws? It wasn’t like Spock to voice anything he didn’t have some degree of certainty to so it solidified my opinion that something was up. I didn’t know if it had any relation to Sooka or not but someone or something was messing with me and my crew and by God I was going to find out who and what.

I remembered the file that I had copied and sent myself. It had been looming over my head like a dark cloud. I had yet to tell Spock about my findings but I wanted to be damn sure about what I had glanced over before I started doing any more digging and accusing people of things. If anything, I was detailed and saw things to the end. Spock had taught me that.

Lights dimmed to around 15%, night quickly approaching, I had maybe an hour or so before Spock would come to check on me and we’d settle in for the night. So I took this time to get as much research done into the matter.

My terminal came to life with a simple press of a key, I logged in and went straight to my messages, finding the file. It was encrypted obviously but the thing I had noted was something that shouldn’t have been on that alien ship. It was in standard and held a word that had a specific meaning to The Enterprise. When I had first saw the communication I thought it was simply a scan of my ship but then I noted there was something else. I think it was sent by someone aboard the Enterprise. That would beg to question did I have a spy on my ship or did I have a stowaway?

Clicking the message I was greeted with a jumble of words and numbers. Encrypted, obviously. I wasn’t a cryptologist but I was a hacker. So, I wasted no time in hacking into StarFleet's cryptology department. With a careful breath I hit send and waited, watching a load bar come across the screen. It estimated an hour to cross check everything. Well shit. Hopefully Spock got held up or something.

To pass the time I shifted about my cabin. I was reduced to ‘cleaning up’. That entailed picking up a few plates and cups that I had littering the space as well as folding a couple of blankets and tidying my trinkets. Wow, when was the last time I had done something like that? It’d certainly been a while. So while I was in mid cleaning mode, my terminal beeped, letting me know that it had finished running the encrypted message I had found. 

Eagerly, I darted over to the screen and feverishly ran blue hues over the monitor. What I found caused me to cock my head to the side and furrow my brow. “That can’t be right.” I said, scrolling through the findings. The encryption came back as Klingon, but...not Klingon. “What the fuck?” I asked myself, tempted to run the search again. Obviously something was wrong with this picture. This message was encrypted in the Klingon language as well as a special type of Klingon encryption as well as containing elements of standard and a piece of my ship…

I threw my hands up in exasperation and sighed, leaning back in my chair. It was at that moment Spock entered our quarters and I quickly hid everything I was working on and locking my terminal.

“Is anything wrong, Jim?” He strides over and looks at me curiously. 

“No no. Nothing’s wrong. Just tired of being cooped up here. What do you say after we grab something to eat you show me all of that data you’ve been compiling.”

“It has yet to be completed.” Spock replied hesitantly.

“Spock. It’s fine. Let’s just look over it and see what we can find.”

“Very well.”

We ate dinner in the mess with the rest of the crew. No one came to sit with us which I was happy yet sad. I missed the company of my friends but with the feeling of a slowly shrinking friend circle, right now I trusted Spock implicitly. Not that I didn’t trust Bones or Uhura or anyone else but Spock had been the one to come to me with this information. Now we're going to have to connect the dots to figure out just what exactly is going on here.

My limbs are stiff as we go back to our quarters. I say our quarters but they’re actually mine. We haven’t exactly labeled a space as our. Whatever. Anyway, limbs had been stiff for sitting too long and I winced with each step I took, pain flaring in my legs. I couldn’t help the wincing that happened and the sidelong glances Spock gave me. Obviously he was concerned.

“Nothing to be worry about, Spock. Things just hurt.”

“Perhaps you should see Doctor McCoy.”

“Nah. It’s good. I still have my meds from the beginning of the week.”

“Very well.”

Stepping into my quarters I go straight to the couch, picking up my PADD along the way and curling up into a little ball. It may have been better for me to lay in the bed, stretching myself out but I chose not to.

“Send me what you have to my PADD please. I’ll look over it. I guess see if we can find any patterns or similarities.”

“As you wish.” Spock replied as he came over and sat beside me, his own PADD in hand. It didn’t take us long to become engrossed in our work.

It is well into the night when I finally stretch, the cricks in my bodies making themselves known. 

“I don’t think I can look at a screen anymore for tonight.”

Spock looked up from his own screen and glanced at me, the light casting shadows on his face.

“Shall we retire for the night, Jim?”

“Yeah. I think so. Hey, did you find anything?”

“I have pulled all of our missions since the start of Admiral Sooka’s tenure as our superior officer. It appears that 85.32% of our missions have been disastrous in some way that has directly resulted around your welfare.”

“Is that more than normal?”

“Yes.” He said flatly, staring at me.

Oh. Well then.

“I have also looked for commonalities as far as personnel and the only information that I can find is that you and I are present in every incident. As it should be. But I highly doubt either of us are willingly putting you in harm's way.”

“So who else has the power to...interfere?” I asked, not sure what the right word would be. 

We still had no connections that Sooka was directly involved. Furthermore, we had no proof that there was something greater at work here besides me getting into a lot of trouble. Nothing. We had nothing to go on except…. Oh, the note. I needed to get that depicted. 

“I am not sure.” Spock says at last.

I sigh and rise, rubbing my legs and my back, the bites from the cannibals nothing but ghost of pain.

“Let’s think on this later. I’m tired. Fresh eyes will do us good.”

“Indeed.”

Together we changed into night time attire and went to sleep.


	17. What the Fuck is a Ballad?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First off, I’m sorry the last chapter switched tenses. I’m working on a couple of other writing pieces and they’re written in present tense. I’ll strive to catch that before I post. And, if you haven’t caught on by now, I have no beta but that’s okay. I’m also sorry for the delay in updating. I sort of lost where I wanted to go with this story. So before I post the next chapter, which has been written, I’m going to stock myself up on chapters so you won’t have to wait as long for updates. Enjoy this update!

I ended up not sleeping well that night. Despite Spock being a light sleeper, I managed to convince him to stay in bed and I prodded back to my terminal. I really wanted to scan over that transmission I had found. Something about it was bothering me but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Obviously I either had a spy or stowaway like I had determined last night. However, there was something about this whole situation that was just throwing me for a loop. Why? Why was the Enterprise as a target? Why were me and my crew the target? Who had such a big beef with me that they wanted to kill us? There were too many questions and I was going to have to get some outside input on this.

Though I felt bad, I radioed Uhura. Luckily she was a light sleeper. But she wasn’t too thrilled about me waking her up but I was grateful.

Together, we sat at her small table and I showed her the transmission. Tan skin crinkled into a cute little frown as I watched her look over it. She was already aware that something was going on, too. Either Spock had informed her or she was really damn perceptive. I guess that was a good thing because I had a lot less explaining to do. The only thing I really had to tell her was how I managed to find the thing and about hacking into cryptology. She was impressed.

“I don’t know, Kirk.” she said at last, breaking the silence. “It’s all very confusing. Even I am having a hard time deciphering it.”

“Walk me through it?”

“Obviously we know it’s written in Klingon and using a certain Klingon code that practically anyone can have access to. It’s referenced in a few of the general courses at the academy. So, that doesn’t really narrow down who it could be. It could be anyone. It could even be Klingons but I don’t think so.”

“I must have missed that basic Klingon encryption thing.”

Uhura gave me a look before continuing.

“Despite the encryption being basic, the content of it doesn’t make sense either.”

“What does it say?”

“It’s seems to be a sort of ballad or poem.”

I looked at her incredulously. “What?”

“Listen.” She cleared her throat before breaking into a sort of smooth rhythm.

 

**“My father once told me of a brave hero man. He sailed the heavens above.  
Adored by all, despised by few, it made my dad grievously ill.  
Questions about this hero man circled the air. My father had a plan.  
To life, to death, to never be seen. This hero man was obscene. I took it upon myself to rid the air of flaw.**

**Father father it is underway. Your musing were right, I feel he’s about to cave.  
Death and fright and terror alight. Give me time to ignite the fire.  
Progression is forward, progression is right. The end I see in my sights.**

**Of blood of teeth, fret not good sir. No one knows the truth despite the blinking neon lights.  
Careful am I, so do not worry. Phase three is underway. Our allies, our strength, are nothing but great. So long to the beautiful hero man. **

**Just give me time, just give me way and sister and I will align. Death to the hero man is underway.  
Death to the hero man is in sight.”**

Silence stretched between us as I stared at her.

“What the fuck?” I finally spat out, leaning back in my chair. “On top of a billion encryptions it’s written in the form of a fucking poem.”

“Yes.” she said hesitantly.

I couldn’t help the exasperated sigh that left my lips as I ran my hands over my face.

“Oh my God, this is too much. What can you tell me about it?”

“Well, I’m making assumptions here but I’m assuming the hero is you, father is in charge and there are at least two people working on this. And, as if all of those things were not bad enough, there is still more to come.”

“And there is nothing else about what’s coming up?”

Uhura shook her head and frowned, looking at the data PADD in her her hand.

“The question is, why was it on the cannibal ship?”

I perked up at that. “That is an excellent question.”

“Do you mind if I keep a copy of this and look at it more. I feel like I am missing something.”

“Sure. Just don’t spread it around, okay? I’m going to do a bit more hacking to see if I can find where it originated from.”

Uhura seemed to be lost in thought as she poured over the ballad.

“Thanks, Nyota. I really mean it.”  
She looked up at me and gave a small smile. “No one has the right to mess with the captain.”

With that I left and went to one of the main terminal banks.

The main terminal that I wanted was secluded from the rest of the ship. Luckily the ship was very quiet and I didn’t run into anyone who would ask me questions. Though, it wasn’t unlike me to prowl the ship late at night if I couldn’t sleep and that happened more often than I cared to admit. But no one needed to know that.

Taking the lift to my desired location I slipped into a small room and locked the door. It was nestled in the back of a very wide area that housed odds and ends. I never had much use to go down there. Actually, I don’t think anyone did unless someone was upgrading software or something. So it was very likely that I would be left undisturbed.

Seated in a rolling chair I cracked my knuckles and quickly logged into the terminal. It didn’t take me long to hack into the send and receive section of the Enterprise databanks and quickly went searching. Depending if the culprit was clever or not, I would be able to find where they sent the transmission from. If they were clever, they would cover their tracks and it would be near impossible to find. If they weren't, I’d be able to find the discrepancy in the logs. And so, the long hours passed.

It wasn’t till I noted the sudden brightness starting to seep under the door that it was getting close to morning. I looked at the clock and noted that I had an hour before alpha shift started. I debated if I wanted to leave someone else in charge and continue working or just go up there myself. Making my presence known wasn’t bad and I could always delegate responsibilities later. I’m sure someone from the command track wouldn’t mind taking over.

With a sigh I got up from the terminal and quickly exited and made my existence unknown from the place as I quickly made my way back to my quarters.

xXx

Spock was already dressed when I returned. He looked at me with an inquisitive brow and I just flashed him a smile and said good morning.

“Jim.” He responded with a twitch of his lips.

“How did your endeavors go this morning?”

“I think they went well.”

“Indeed?”

Now it was my turn to look at him with a raised brow.

“Don’t worry, I’ll tell you all about it later today, okay?”

“Very well.”

“I’ll see you on the bridge.”

“Jim.” He said as a goodbye as I he walked past but not before he extended two fingers and we shared a kiss. My skin flushed in warmth as I shared a wide smile with him. There was something about a Vulcan kiss that drove me wild.

xXx

I stayed on the bridge for as long as I could stand it, glad to be at work but my mind preoccupied with things I had discovered this morning. I realized that I don’t think I was supposed to quite be on duty yet so I used that as my excuse to return to my earlier activities. But it wasn’t before I left Uhura in charge and stole Spock away. I took him to the belly of my ship not saying a word till I had locked us in the little room with the terminal.

“Captain?” His brow arched. I couldn’t help the devious smile that formed on my lips. I wondered what he was thinking. Obviously this could be seen as a secret getaway for a quicky but not now. Maybe some other time.

“Spock.” I replied, the hint of a smile still on my lips as I went to sit at the terminal and began pulling up everything I had been working on, even bringing up the transmission. Closely he hovered over my shoulder, body pressing slightly against my shoulder. I had a fleeting thought this was interesting and then went on to explain what I had found.

“I talked with Uhura about the transmission I found on the ship and hacked into cryptology to decipher it. It still came back a jumbled mess until I took it to Uhura. As if that wasn’t weird enough, it was a ballad. Of course, us, being as smart as we are, figured it was a sort of message within a message within a message. Or something like that. They’re really covering their tracks. Anyway, we read it and tried to figure out what it could mean. Then I came down here to see if I could figure out who sent the message and why they would send it to the people who kidnapped us. I’m beginning to think that someone sent for them.”

A shudder went down my spine as I came to that realization. What _if_ someone had sent for them? That’d be sabotage and someone really wanted me or Spock or both of us very dead. God, why?

Spock was silent as his hues read the message once before he put his thinking face on and mulled over. At least, I thought that was what he was doing. I couldn’t really tell with his miniscule facial expressions.

“What do you think?’ I finally asked as the silence seemed to stretch on impossible long.

“Most curious.” He said, finally. 

“Care to elaborate?” 

“By choosing this format, it makes it very easy to keep track of. I would say that there is a 97.432% likelihood that whoever sent this transmission will receive something of similar effect with the addition of a verse. Furthermore, I believe they in turn, when they reply will add a verse. It is all cryptic but makes clear sense.”

“So we should keep a lookout for something similar to the thing we found on the ship?”

“Indeed.”

Hm. Would they be smart enough though not to draw attention to themselves by risking a pattern?

“I was attempting to figure out where the message was sent from. I was almost done scanning through all of the code before shift was going to start. Mind helping me look through it again?”

“Not at all.”

I smiled before I went straight to it.

It wasn’t till my stomach started to rumble that I looked up from the screen and blinked a few times. I stretched still stiff limbs and winced. This of course earned me a look from Spock but I just rolled my eyes and sat straight in the chair.

“Perhaps we should break for lunch.”

“Just a few more minutes, okay? I feel like we’re close to something.”

“Very well. 10 more minutes and then you need to eat.”

“Yes mom.”

“Jim. I am not your mother, however, if you wish to contribute that to a male sexual fantasy I will consider the thought.”

I sputtered into laughter at Spock making a sex joke.

“Oh my God, that’s not what I meant, you dirty Vulcan. But, since you brought it up….” I teased as I flashed him a smile before taking full advantage of my 10 minutes.

“Found it!” I explained a few moments later in triumph. “Look.”

I pointed to the screen where there had been a duplication entry.

“They tried to cover their tracks, thinking that making a copy would be enough or whatever. So I know what terminal they sent it from. Now I can go and hack into there and figure out how many messages have been sent.”

“You skills in hacking never cease to impress me, captain.” Spock praised as I got up from the chair.

“A compliment, Mr. Spock.” I glowed. “I'll take it. Now let’s go get something to eat.”


End file.
